|Reviews for Insurrection|
| 96kathy chapter 7 . 7/22/2012
I'm glad that you know where to go with your story now and I love where it is going Keep up the good work!
Reviews paid: 3/3
| 96kathy chapter 6 . 7/22/2012
Another great chapter. Your writing is amazing. I'm sorry that I can't leave a really long review. I have little time on my hands. I want to apologize yet again for not reviewing sooner. I just hope you understand.
Reviews paid back: 2/3
| 96kathy chapter 5 . 4/2/2012
I am so so so sorry for not reviewing sooner. I know I own you a few reviews, but I have been really busy. Anyway, I finally found time to just sit, read and review. I'd like to say that I feel sorry for Alexia. I know how it is when the ref isn't fair. I had troubles with them as well. At least he got what he deserves.
Reviews paid back: 1/3
| Moonlight Density chapter 8 . 12/3/2011
Worth recovering my password for, like it and wish to see more so do update soon.
| Dreamers-Requiem chapter 8 . 11/29/2011
Firstly, I'm eager to see where you take this from here. But, I'm still not fussed on Alexia...there's just something about her stopping me from really liking her as a character. I'm still hoping to see if she changes, though. Overall, this feels like a sort of 'filler' chapter, but I think it works well to give a short break in the action. One thing I did notice a few times is you tend to have a new paragraph when the same person is speaking; consider keeping their speech in the same paragraph, as it just helps the prose flow a bit easier. [just a touch of pink and orange was left in the sky.] I think, with this sentence, you could cut out the 'just' and the 'was' to help the flow. [who couldn't even catch a girl.] I don't think there's anything, from her interactions with him, to really indicate that; maybe he's a stud at his school :P I think it's small things like that, her snap judgements, that make me dislike her a bit. Consider having a bit more hints towards why she makes that judgement beforehand? Anyway, like I said, I do think the plot is really interesting, and I look forward to seeing more. Good luck.
| DutchAver chapter 8 . 11/4/2011
First of all, I'm sorry for the loss of your horse. I'm also sorry that this review took a while for me - it's November, and that means it's NaNoWriMo-month - I'm writing madly, and don't really have much time to catch up on the stories I'm reading as I also have to combine it with university. I'm trying my hardest, though. Here we go!
I still dislike Alexia's narcism, but you work it out very well - you describe it thoroughly, and convincingly. Not every character has to be likeable, and you know that well enough
So, Jake's full name is Jacobus? *snorts* Yeah, that's Dutch enough to me - think I've heard a Dutch guy being called that - but I pity him a bit that his aunt calls him that XD
I do like Jake/Jacobus himself, though, although he might be a bit... aloof. I really, really like his aunt XD
This chapter wasn't as much filled with suspense, but it's another good breather. It's got plenty of humor, and is just a cool-off chapter, which is good.
I can see - in your spelling/grammar, not in your writing style! - that the chapter's unedited, here are a few mistakes I spotted:
'I couldn't go to a school filled with Ashleigh's, I would kill myself.' No apostrophe in plurals :)
'That's because we're not going out. I meet him at the hospital,"' I MET him at the hospital
'Possibly, but I'm not good with good-byes.' Thank goodness, something Alexia believes she is NOT good in :)
'She angrily tsked and stepped on the gas pedal a little harder. "Jacobus Daniel Floro! I will not be spoken to like that!"' Can't... stop... laughing...
Hope things are going a bit better now :)
| Q75 chapter 8 . 11/2/2011
Interesting plotline, Would love to read more. Though the progress of the story is a bit too slow for my taste, though I know you're building up too a big bang so, I guess it's fine. to each their own technique.
character wise, Alexia Leighton, doesn't really..do it for me. I know she's competitive,She's athletic, she's arrogant and she's lonely, but overall, I just can't seem... to like her? She feels a bit to deattached for my taste, really? Yes, it's a good thing she's not letting whatever it is that was happening to affect her life and her goals , but surely her thoughts would be be more affected about it? And her readily saying what her powers were a bit... too abrupt for me. I mean, she barely knows the woman, and jake-ass, and she's sharing a ride with them.. I.. hmm.. yeah. Hopefully, we'll see more of Alexia not as a competitive jock, in the future?
Anyways,you've got a nice story, good plotline.
from the roadhouse.
| singer22498 chapter 8 . 11/1/2011
The story is getting a little too slow for me, and the chaps are a little too short, but it was good!
UPDATE AS SOON AS YOU CAN HAHAH PLEASE!
| Dreamers-Requiem chapter 7 . 11/1/2011
I thought I had reviewed this chapter...ah well. Anyway - I don't understand why she goes home when there are people after her? Or, at least, why she doesn't take any extra measures or anything? To me, it just doesn't make sense. I do really like the descriptions you use here, and I am really liking the plot, it's just...Alexia is a bit...I don't know, flat, as a character. [Since I was always a huge fan of heights, I lived on the fourth floor. The fourth floor was split into two apartments] I think you could change this sentence, just to help the flow of it; (I'd always been a huge fan of heights, so I lived on the fourth floor, split into two apartments.) [how hard my friends and I party.] This may just be a memory blank, but as far as I recall, there's not too much evidence of Alexia being that much into parties before this (I remember a mention of beer pong, but that was about it.) Maybe have a classmate mention an upcoming or past party to her? [I was exhausted. Not physically, but mentally.] You could cut this a bit; (I was mentally exhausted) might flow just a bit better. There were a few other things but I think some other reviewers have pointed them out so I'll just leave it there. I'll be reading the next chapter soon.
| Dreamers-Requiem chapter 6 . 9/23/2011
To me, Alexia feels...just a bit too perfect, and arrogant about it, too. It can be a little off-putting, in parts. Especially with the whole "Oh, I'm awesome at beer pong, too, and every sport, and academics, too!" Surely there's something she's not good at? Annnd, even after she realises there will be people at home waiting to get her, she still heads home? To me, that really doesn't make sense. You can still do it, but perhaps justify it; use her arrogance! :P Show the reader her reasons for blantently disregarding the dangers. Also, she said before how she always played sports by the book...now she's thinking of what powers she could use when playing? It seems a bit...contradictory, to me. Other than that, I think I've said it before, but you do have an interesting plot, and I'm eager to see how it turns out. I just think you need to add some other elements to Alexia's character, rather than having her so...perfect. And this is totally a personal thing, but this in particular [I was entirely in shock. No one had ever told me, straight up to my face, that they weren't attracted to me.] made me cringe. It just makes me dislike her as a character, which is fine to a certain extent, just...you don't want your readers disliking her too much.
| Dreamers-Requiem chapter 5 . 9/15/2011
I think the style of this is quite strong - you do a good job of blending action and description. There's the right amount of both. However, Alexia as a character comes across as a bit too perfect for me -I also think that you need to build up the emotions a bit more. When the Ref's whistle explodes, she seems to go suddenly from overly calm to running away as fast as she can.I just think you could spend more time showing how she's feeling? Other than that, good stuff and I'll be reading more again soon.
| Dreamers-Requiem chapter 4 . 9/7/2011
I liked the way you described the changes and the odd things Alexia found once she got back to school, although I feel that Alexia is being a bit naive with the whole situation. It's almost like she doesn't pay attention to things unless something different is thrust directly in front of her. I would think that she should be questioning things more; her friends seem to be acting fairly casual, seeing as the nuclear plant exploded, yet she doesn't think about that until the end? It just seems odd to be, how easily she seems to be going along with everything.
| YFIQ chapter 2 . 9/1/2011
Well detailed and good character introductions. This should get really interesting although it did remind me of "Heroes" a bit.
I'll check on Chapter 3 once I get the time.
| IAmEmeraldfae chapter 7 . 8/22/2011
Great story! It's a really good idea, but I'm still so confused! But I'm not even confused in a 'this makes no sense' kind of way, I'm confused in a good 'I need to know what happens as much as Alexia/Lexie' kind of way. So write more so we readers of your story can read your story! Until next update,
| Dreamers-Requiem chapter 3 . 8/22/2011
Considering the end of this chapter, I still don't feel that we're getting enough feeling of Alexia's fear. She just comes across as a little indifferent about it, maybe slightly worried. I think it's the way she jumps from things that she's worried about to mundane things, like being worried about going to class. Just adding in a simple, "despite everything going on, despite my worries," before a line like [I had a feeling that biology was still going on and the heinous office ladies would make me go to class.] or saying "despite my worries...I still didn't want to go to biology, most likely still going on inside..." Etc. [Because I was a smoking hot teenage girl, I hardly ever had to pay for things which is great considering the surplus I had acquired over the years,] that line I found a bit off-putting. It just made me dislike her a bit; very full of herself, isn't she? Maybe just "I hardly ever had to payfor anything; most guys paid for me..." I do really like the way the story is going, and I like how you're building up the suspense and the feeling that something is not quite right. Good job overall!