|Reviews for Life and Lemons|
| monsterbunny chapter 3 . 8/1/2011
First off some criticism:
A few errors when writing were as 'where' but that's an easy mistake to make.
When swapping 'narration' it became just a bit confusing and fruastrating to read it and understand what's going on but then again I am very easily confused XD It should be advised to maybe seperate it somehow or something like that [Ah gee I don't know what I'm talking about anymore]
Now, thoughts on story so far: Somehow I knew this was going to become a 'shounen'-like story, not like I hate it, it's just that the female audience won't find it interesting but then again you understand, as an author, the audience you're writing for is not quite 'a cup of tea' for most females. BUT TRY TO IGNORE THIS AS I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT [again], but I'm not gonna abandon reading this story because of it.
ahahah Anyway I'm going all spastic so I may as well finish it off with a 'What's with they yeah's with Koroyaki?', that is all XD
Keep it up!
| Vio the Wandering Lover chapter 1 . 7/31/2011
Okay, it has a promising start. The only thing that I found a bit off was the pace. It moved a bit too fast, especially after the small time skip. A little more detail on environment and other characters (If you plan on making them even semi-important) would be nice. Like how you explained the demon in the end. You don't have to go into that descriptive of a detail with everyone else, but a little more would help.
For instance, I have no clue how Marlene looks, I just know she's non-Japanese. For all I know, I could seeing her as a Blue Haired short chick, with small boobs when she's a blonde haired, busty bombshell.
As well, since the pace was a bit fast, it was hard to get the ambiance of the school and assembly.
Other than that, it was good. I like the humor (The guy was a demon. Or a special-effects expert.), and interaction with his sister. I hope to see more of that in future chapters, and I hope you show just how well he either gets along with or not with the rest of his family. *Including his sister. Some people would turn her into the worse person ever to justify him getting even with her*
And on a fan note, I hope he takes Marlene up on one of those offers soon.
| monsterbunny chapter 2 . 7/28/2011
How very interesting :D
Too bad it was a little bit short but I guess it's because of the cliffhanger XD Which leaves me curious to find out what will happen next.
Keep it up!
u r - u
| monsterbunny chapter 1 . 7/24/2011
My oh my, might I say this is very well written and it feels like I'm actually reading a book (but then again I hardly read books XD)
The 'old fat guys in towels' thing is quite hilarious which makes me wish I could think up such a thing to suppress such things.
One thing I don't understand is why no one else reviewed this. Anyhow, had tiny bits of grammar error but it's nothing really to worry about.
Keep it up! [P.S: Cookies shall inherit the earth C:]