|Reviews for The Keeper|
| DomieleDoo chapter 1 . 10/13/2013
Love this beautiful little one-shot!
Lovely writing style, nicely constructed characters- very impressive!
Definitely recommend this to anyone who likes a good old fantasy.
| MethodlessMadness chapter 1 . 7/5/2013
I like your writing style and your use of imagery. This was beautiful.
| RainbowOctopus chapter 1 . 6/24/2013
That was a wonderful little one shot! I must say, but the The Keeper reminds me a lot of the Doctor :)
Do you watch Doctor Who?
| Arfean chapter 1 . 12/7/2012
Great story. As others have mentioned, the imagery is wonderful.. I do think, however, the ending is a bit abrupt. Frid suddenly goes into a rambling monologue, which threw me out of the story a bit.
| Kyo-to-Key chapter 1 . 11/20/2012
| HerpDerp8215 chapter 1 . 6/26/2012
You clearly have a love for imagery, and that's great, but you're a little wordy and your syntax is off (mostly due to improper comma usage I think). For example, I would combine the first two sentences like so:
"He stood there watching by her window, like always, as she brushed her fine chocolate hair with a gilded antique brush."
There's nothing wrong with being concise. You can get the same point across with only half the word count. Also, phrases like "chocolate hair" and "gold and silver lining the precious instrument" can dip pretty easily into purple prose territory, so just be aware.
Finally, you're a little repetitive. Your very first sentence implies that he has been watching her for a long time, so there's no need to repeat the sentiment with this line: "He sighed looking at the girl, as he had, since she was a tiny babe in her mother's arms." Have faith in your audience's attention span. They won't forget.
You've got a knack for conveying scenery. You just have to reign it in a little and dress it up with the proper punctuation. :)
| justval chapter 1 . 7/13/2011
I appreciate how the imagery in this story is beautifully written and meaningful in subtle ways.
(i.e. "Bushes of greenery surrounded him, primroses grew and their scents dusted by the nighttime dew. The small beauty of this garden was chilled by the ice he saw on the roses, dying from the lack of warmth. Something so beautiful should never die, however life circulates and moves on. It must be done.")
The writing is nice and tight, and the characters are well-constructed visually and emotionally. I didn't spot any grammatical errors. Nice work. Keep writing. :)
| roxyideman chapter 1 . 7/4/2011
Awwwwww I loved the ending. In fact I loved the whole story. And it's not cliche at all. Fantasy stories like this one are hardly found nowdays. I hope there was more for me to , great piece of writing