|Reviews for Rhodri's Escape|
| Tora-2011 chapter 1 . 7/4/2011
I really liked the beginning of the first chapter.
One can imagine how depressing life must have been in that valley. I like your comparisons and how you describe the father's transformation when he washed himself after work. This is all very believable.
My enthusiasm was reduced a little when Rhodri went out in the night and had this fate-like moment. That seemed a bit exaggerated and poorly developed. If this were my story I would re-connect Rhodri's escape with his teacher's stories from India and how this inspired him to see more of the world. An internal journey that prepares the external journey.
I have a strange feeling that the story would gain credibility if you were to move it to the mid 19th century. Just a feeling though. Don't know what you are heading for.
There were also a few spelling errors that caught my attention. soon instead of son. upto instead of up to... etc. PM me and I'll list all that I have found. I don't know if you have a beta reader, but they should be able to find them.
In my opinion there were some details (often at the end of the chapter) that did not seem well-developed in comparison to some details at the beginning. One of these details would be: Wait!" she silently wailed. This is bizarre. If she did it silently, you could not hear her. She'd only be moving lips. In my opinion that would be bizarre. The wailed, almost not audibly. That's what I would write.
I think your story has great potential, but it might be worth improving on some of the details I pointed out to make it even better. You don't need to, of course. It's just a personal opinion and a kindly meant suggestion )