Reviews for 27
Caitie Manda chapter 1 . 7/7/2011
I saw the whole speech error, too. Don't forget to put each person's dialogue into separate paragraphs. Other than that...I really liked it! It was sweet. I especially liked the end, where Lucy gets Derek back. *evil laugh* I only wish I knew what happened between them that made her feel so bitter and hateful towards him. Did he cheat on her or something? But considering the fact that it's a oneshot, I suppose I'll never know. Maybe you could squeeze in a flashback somewhere? Like when he first is introduced? Oh, I dunno...anyways, just in case you decide to update or anything, I'll add this to my alerts list. :) great job! Loved your lucid descriptions and narration. Very nice!
non.graceful chapter 1 . 7/3/2011
Rewrite it out several times. See what works in some of the pieces and what doesn't.

Remember : don't let the character speak in the same paragraph.

Eg. 'hi my names Anne.'

'where are you from?'

'oh you know.. Around.'

Don't do this :

'hi my names Anne,' said the blonde haired girl. 'where are you from?' asked the grey haired woman in the business suit. 'oh you know... Around.'

It's ridiculous...

You kind of dragged on a bit too long...

And made the girls sound like horses when you said 'pranced' or 'leaped'.

I didn't like it.

But if you did edit it thoroughly I might.