|Reviews for 27|
| Caitie Manda chapter 1 . 7/7/2011
I saw the whole speech error, too. Don't forget to put each person's dialogue into separate paragraphs. Other than that...I really liked it! It was sweet. I especially liked the end, where Lucy gets Derek back. *evil laugh* I only wish I knew what happened between them that made her feel so bitter and hateful towards him. Did he cheat on her or something? But considering the fact that it's a oneshot, I suppose I'll never know. Maybe you could squeeze in a flashback somewhere? Like when he first is introduced? Oh, I dunno...anyways, just in case you decide to update or anything, I'll add this to my alerts list. :) great job! Loved your lucid descriptions and narration. Very nice!
| non.graceful chapter 1 . 7/3/2011
Rewrite it out several times. See what works in some of the pieces and what doesn't.
Remember : don't let the character speak in the same paragraph.
Eg. 'hi my names Anne.'
'where are you from?'
'oh you know.. Around.'
Don't do this :
'hi my names Anne,' said the blonde haired girl. 'where are you from?' asked the grey haired woman in the business suit. 'oh you know... Around.'
You kind of dragged on a bit too long...
And made the girls sound like horses when you said 'pranced' or 'leaped'.
I didn't like it.
But if you did edit it thoroughly I might.