Reviews for Not here
writemystorywithoutink chapter 1 . 7/4/2011
This is a nice concise collection of a person's thoughts and feelings. I think you can improve it though. Instead of saying you feel "an unbearable loneliness" you should create a scene that shows how lonely you feel without you having to say it so directly. Use imagery and descriptions of things that become the feeling, instead of just telling us what the feeling was. My favorite part is about the voices fading away. That creates an image in my head of the character being left all alone.