|Reviews for The Curse of the Spells|
| Barbados chapter 1 . 7/4/2011
A bit of warning: long chapter means probably a long review, so grab your beverage of choice and settle into your chair... or sofa... or bed... or hammock... or throne (if you can actually do this, then please contact me ASAP as knowing someone with a throne is bound to come in handy sooner or later.)
Actually, it probably won't be very long after all. You did great with this! I only have a few criticisms.
My main criticism would be that you have a lot of really long sentences throughout the work. While most of them are not gramatically incorrect (a couple were,) they are a bit cumbersome. You might consider breaking some of them up.
I found it awkard that Alvara sent his permission when someone knocked at the door, instead of granting it. It's just not a common expression, but maybe it is in your world (the fictional one, of course.)
You ask the reader a lot of rhetorical questions. Try not to get too carried away with them, they pull readers out of the story at that point.
I can definately feel the time you invested breathing life into your setting. It feels real and coherent; I love that. Your characters also feel pretty solid so far.
Keep on writing!