Reviews for After All the Things You Put Me Through
Julia M. D chapter 4 . 2/23/2012
Hey girly, so, um, why isn't this being continued? Even though i basically know what happens, I wanna read more! Please please please update this! Oh and you should come to the carlmont-sequoia swim meet, idk when it is though
sarahburry chapter 4 . 8/20/2011
Ridiculous. You should NEVER EVER date a boy over the internet! I mean how can you even date?

I don't care if you say no Jack, I am team Jack.

Every other guy completely sucks.

jack! Jack! Jack!

Oh, what is that? Do I hear..

(Jack! Jack! Jack!)

Chanting?

(Jack! Jack! Jack!)

I do! It seems like they want Amber to be with...

(Jack! Jack! Jack!)

WHO?

(Jack! Jack! Jack!)

Oh!

JACKKKK!

Well the masses have spoken.
sarahburry chapter 3 . 8/18/2011
:( I'm still shipping Amber and Jack.

She only likes this Damien guy because he likes her. Classic middle school.

ASK JACK TO THE DANCE, DAMIEN IS A MEAN MEAN BOY WHO WILL USE YOU AND DUMP YOU!

This isn't love!

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh

But great writing! I like the fact that it was a lucid dream.
sarahburry chapter 2 . 8/18/2011
Woah woah woahhhh these characters are little bebe children! They shouldn't be saying tits! If I heard a kid say that, I would smack him. Which Is what I would personally do if someone took my binder, kick em till they fal, take my binder, hit them with it, put it in my bag and walk away.

I like Jack. She should be with Jack.
sarahburry chapter 1 . 8/18/2011
Liking it :) I do think your writing is stronger when it's in the past, mainly because I think you're extremely passionate about that time era, but this is good!
simpleplan13 chapter 2 . 8/2/2011
Again congrats on the Review Marathon!

"It was all shapes her"...here

"for me to heed anything about the lesson."... heed seems like a really odd word choice

"I was in the back row, farthest to the right in the row"... You don't need to repeat row. Just "I was in the back row, farthest to the right." works and doesn't sound as wordy.

"Next to me on my left sat Kate,"...Here too you don't need to say left. You said the narrator was all the way to the right so if someone is next to the narrator they would have to be on the left.

Also, in this chapter the same thing with the lowercase i.

I love the descriptions of her cramps. You use really great word choices and the whole chain saw thing was great.

You say in the beginning it was shapes and angles, but then you say they're learning about interest...

"ide pull out my ideas binder"... I'd

""*I think Damien is the hottest guy at North Star"... the * I'm assuming was an accident

Damien's friend you say his name is Aidan and then change it to Aiden.

""I cant believe you like Amber, dude!" Is what Luke apparently said. "I mean, shes pretty chill"... can't and she's

"just... festively plump"... I love that description.

"Amber cant answer because".. can't

"part hopefully and part embarrassed"... hopeful

"any one else would step up and lie for me"... anyone

"Its just as Jack"... It's

You really need to edit for apostrophes and stuff like that. I also pointed out that one wordy sections, but there are other spots like that. You might want to check that.

I did like the piece though. The ending was great. I like how the relationship between the narrator and Damien is progressing. And we're also learning more about the narrator as a person. Well done.
simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 8/2/2011
Congrats on winning the Review Marathon!

In your A/N in the beginning you have a few missing apostrophes. I might fix that...

You have a lot of lowercase i that should be I.

In your first paragraph you spend a lot of time describing the situation. It gets kinda boring and doesn't really catch me into wanting to read the rest of the piece. Also, at the end you make it seem like this was a struggle that she won, but I didn't get that from the rest of the paragraph.

"a tad bias"... biased

"since hes not"... he's

"Its really good by the way"... It's

At the end I didn't get why they wouldn't talk until Monday. They seem to be friends so why wouldn't they talk on the phone (especially since you've said this girl has a cell phone).

I think the story is interesting. Both the narrator and Ashley are interesting girls that I'd like to learn more about. I especially like how at the end you gave us just that little bit of information about Damien and then stopped. Definitely makes me want to read on.

The only thing I would say is some of your descriptions are wordy and oddly phrased. Maybe it's the whole Renaissance thing that you mentioned in the beginning, but you might want to read through it with that in mind...
landslide chapter 1 . 7/5/2011
:)

Wow, love it!

Doesn't everyone just need a realistic love story once in a while? I do. Can't wait to read more!

By the way, I didn't find your narrative style distracting at all. I think it all perfectly adds up to a really cute, heartwarming read.

Keep it up,

- landslide