Reviews for TCoW: Mistakes
Bryce Daniels chapter 7 . 7/14/2011
Oh, dear. Now THAT was a twist.

Definately a case of letting one's envy get the best of you. And I would agree. This sin is one of the most dangerous.

Well done, as always. It's been a real pleasure reading your submissions. WRITE ON AND ROCK ON!


Bryce Daniels chapter 6 . 7/14/2011
Another good one. You are very good with POV writing! Takes me right into the character's skin, as it should be!

Excellent job!
Bryce Daniels chapter 5 . 7/14/2011
I love the way your character reasoned through this! Pure greed. Lovely installment on the challenge!
Heather M. Gardner chapter 7 . 7/14/2011

I apologize for not commenting sooner. I had never used this site and only just figured out how to leave you a note.

I have read your 7 sins and they were really fantastic. Loved Lust and Wrath!

You did a great job bringing these to life in so few words.

Glad I finally found your posts.

David A Ludwig chapter 7 . 7/13/2011
That certainly would teach the skanky bitch to have better clothes... Huh, made me think of a character with basically that same mentality in one of my stories.

I love your thoughts on Envy though. Lust is my favorite for the reasons that speak for themselves... But that is really interesting that Envy is the only sin with little to no benefit to the sinner. I'd never thought about that before, and it makes me curious about your sin-centric novel.
David A Ludwig chapter 6 . 7/12/2011
"Caring was... for someone who cared." I love that it's not even worth knowing whose job it was to care. The other thing I love about Sloth is how close it can come to being philosophically deep-very similar to Tao or Zen-but then fall short of even that for lack of commitment.
David A Ludwig chapter 5 . 7/11/2011
You're right that it is really fun to look at Greed from the perspective of a cute immature character... But I feel so bad calling it a sin then! Sure it's naughty, but I'm not going to send a kid to hell for not knowing better... Though I guess a lot of the time they do know better. Huh, wow. Nice one.
David A Ludwig chapter 4 . 7/10/2011
"Made the lecherous moment deliciously worth it." Awesome. See, that's commitment to your sin when you're willing to die for it. Worked in Antimony's and works here. Lust really is my favorite sin, it's so fun and close to love.
Bryce Daniels chapter 4 . 7/10/2011
I don't know. That would have to be ONE FOXY lady to still want her, knowing you were going to suffer like that for it.

Very good take on lust!
Bryce Daniels chapter 3 . 7/10/2011
Whoa...THAT is some serious wrath! So raw, so perfect. Beautifully done!
David A Ludwig chapter 3 . 7/9/2011
Wow! This one was powerful! I have totally been there, and you describe the state so clearly I know it is exactly what I experienced (emotionally, I yelled at someone, no killing). It's really sort of an impotent rage, which makes it even better as an example of sin in my opinion, because you're so pissed off you want to lash out-but if you do lash out then you're actually in the wrong and being punished for something you did do is the insult to injury on top of being punished for something you didn't do. In my experience.
David A Ludwig chapter 2 . 7/8/2011
Nice. I like the desperation there. Doesn't seem like Gluttony if she hasn't eaten in a while, but the implication of that particular habit turning into Gluttony is chilling.

I really want to use this scene in one of my own stories now, but I guess I better not.
Bryce Daniels chapter 2 . 7/8/2011
Oh, dear. Now THAT'S hungry.

Definately the definition of gluttony. Yikes.

Great job! Looking forward to the rest.
Rosie Lane chapter 1 . 7/8/2011
Nice piece. I can see the hero covering up more and more as his skills begin to fail, unwilling to admit that he has a problem.
David A Ludwig chapter 1 . 7/7/2011
I can definitely see where you want more words to work with, and can totally relate to that myself. It's hard to cut the fluff when that's what makes a story cuddly.

Strong sense of pride in this piece though. Could be trouble if both of our Proud characters were in the same room. Both seem like fighters. Rolling down the sleeve at the end was the perfect finish in my opinion.
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