|Reviews for The Adventures of Captain Pancake|
| melawe chapter 9 . 8/25/2011
yay! im the crazy friend and yes it lived up to expectations*laughs out loud holding my sides from laughing so hard*
| WandererfromtheWest chapter 3 . 8/24/2011
HAHAHAHAHAA! This seems to much like a One Piece knock off, but this is great. I've never laughed so much.
I plan to read it all. So, until next time, 'Cheerio'! XD
| Jac of Stats chapter 8 . 8/14/2011
Really scary...I hope he plans to fulfill his promise to come back in a month.
| Destevan W. Lorn chapter 8 . 8/8/2011
I finally got back to reading this, and it's awesome.
I really can't wait to find out what happens to Nick and Alex - their personalities and interactions make them very interesting characters to read about.
Waiting for how this plays out.
| josh494 chapter 8 . 8/7/2011
Another good one. D You're building your characters up well. They're not as flat as your previous characters in the series. You still do a good job of playing the two brothers off of each other.
Maybe you should try building up Captain Pancake's character.
Also your pacing is great still. It has much improved over these last two chapters. The older ones everything was just happening so quickly but now there is build up to events which is reall really good.
Looking forward to the next chapter. D
P.S. All my reviews are optimistic. You just have to veiw them as such. p
| Jac of Stats chapter 7 . 7/28/2011
I'd be scared of Mori. That guy is like...an older version of me! Good gravy, that's scary!
| josh494 chapter 7 . 7/20/2011
This is very good. You did great with the pacing and the change in the POV was a much needed refresher. This was a little sort but it made up with it for some great character development on the two new characters while retaining the humor aspect of this story.
You changed the type of humor to reflect the character who was narrating which was very good. It gave this chapter a different feel then the prior Pancake narrations. Also you did a good job of working with the contrasting personalities in the beginning of the chapter. From Pancake's ditziness to Nick's rather dry no bs attitude to Alex who is a mixture of the two almost.
It seems you are trying to invest more into these characters which will make them much more memorable and easier to care about. I'm quite excited to read more about the twins training.
Good Job. )
| josh494 chapter 6 . 7/20/2011
Good job. I enjoyed the battle scene even though it did get a little confusing at times.
I do have one kind of big, for lack of a better word, complaint.
The whole surprise reveal about the war being fake and General Steel taking money didn't have any impact at all for the reader. The war has never been talked about other then just a passing mention. If you took time to talk about what the war was in the first couple chapters and showed how Captain Pancake noticed that there wasn't a war going on rather then her just saying it, Also Steel was quick on admitting his grand evil scheme. Maybe if you just fleshed it out a bit more. This chapter felt rushed just so we could get to the action while forsaking plot to an extent.
The action, on the other hand, was great. You made her face her own mortality for a moment and it was nice touch.
Can't wait to read more though. Even though i nitpick it, I still find it vastly entertaining.
| josh494 chapter 5 . 7/20/2011
" find anything to pull vault myself up there"
fix that please. I also saw you start a sentence with I when you meant to use A so find that.
This Chapter went by kind of quickly. You may want to work on your pacing. You're hauling tail from event to event without much down time in between.
I still enjoyed this chapter though. Good job Pancake. )
| Jac of Stats chapter 6 . 7/14/2011
I think this was an awesome fight! I was thinking 'There's no way Pancake is winning this' and then...she did! It was awesome! And I did write that story! This has made my week.
| Jac of Stats chapter 5 . 7/12/2011
Well...she got caught. It was a pretty good try though. She did jump off Marine Heads, so it's all good!
| Jac of Stats chapter 4 . 7/12/2011
I'm a One Piece fan to and it inspired me to make a Pirate Story, but this flat out pushed me over the edge! I wanna make a pirate story too! XD
| Destevan W. Lorn chapter 3 . 7/11/2011
This is absolutely hysterical!
I can't wait for more!
| josh494 chapter 3 . 7/10/2011
"Where did she go?" I big round pirate asked.
May wanna fix that.
You have some issues with redundancy as well.
Also try to find other ways to begin your sentences. You use I as a crutch and it makes it kinda choppy at some points.
But this was still pretty funny. Dark homo smile is a quote that will make me laugh for a long time.
| josh494 chapter 2 . 7/10/2011
This was funny once again. I loved the jail scene.
Also the loading part? You may want to try calling it the magazine or clip to avoid confusion. I though you meant the bullet chamber at first.
Also you switched the Marines ship to a Navy ship at the end.
But i liked it. It made me laugh. Good job. D