|Reviews for Forever Lit|
| Nyx'sReincarnation chapter 12 . 4/22/2012
great story so far!
The only thing I'd suggest is re-reading your chapters before you post them. When they're "hot off the presss" they have some mistakes that a spell chec doesn't find.
| naopisques chapter 1 . 11/22/2011
You have a very interesting setup here. You actually have a unique situation with unique characters. I like that your hunter wears jeans, and that the son (presumably some evil prince) dresses in vain, modern fashion. I actually really liked your characters and the plot you have set up.
As for what I think could be done better (because, you know, I'm so qualified to judge that), when you are introducing a villain, you are showing us a first glimpse into what I think has to be the most interesting character in the book. You've given everyone a personality; I would amplify and delve into their personalities much more, but without exaggerating or going cliche. One thing I think would be really effective is to have the hunter show no signs of being a hunter: the jeans and overcoat were very effective. I think he would have been scarier without any visible weapons (if you describe them or mention them, the reader can "see" them). I think it would make him more mysterious and dangerous: you don't know what he's capable of or how he hunts.
You also avoided much cliche, but followed it up with some others — a prophecy is pretty cliche. It's been used far too often, and it hints at something that needs lots of explaining: namely, what prophecy? Who prophecied it? Why is it considered a valid prophecy? Is there a religion everyone follows wherein prophecies are considered accurate predictions? I mean, that could be really good, but I think you need to flesh it out so that it doesn't become a cliche plot point.
Also, make sure you stay with one character's perspective per scene. Limited omniscience is something that works really well for most literature. Total omniscience, not so much (*very* hard to pull off). So make sure we don't see into anyone's mind except the one whose perspective the scene is viewed from.
And last but not least, I'd try to polish up the writing just a tad. Some of the descriptive phrases come off like conversation rather than writing. And make sure you have your "to"s distinct from your "too"s.
But you know what? I'm actually going to read more of this. It has much promise.
| KingOwlEye chapter 11 . 9/6/2011
omg wow, this is amazing first chapter 10- DAM! HE's her DAD that is amazing, and you said you cant leave any cliff hangers smh. i am suprised excited and just...just, i wish you could see the smile on my face right now, im so craving for more to read. Flora needs to just accept her love for galen and galen needs to accept his love for her. a devine power made that bite into a pleasure bite. i say go with the flow lol. but great chapter. :D
chapter 11 i think i'm going to piggyback off of the last review because i was just amazed at galen but also kind of wondering why they didnt do that when flora got taken. smh, oh and if you ever end it like that i will personaly cry and send you a thousand :'( lol. great chapter. i think she has a tuff personality but is only scared when the event is not asesed. she's adventuruos and willing. she is a great main character for fire. great job. sorry i wrote alot its just im so happy right now. dont stop writing your amazing.
P.s sorry for the mispelled words im writing fast lol
| Tauria chapter 11 . 8/31/2011
In my honest to goodness opnion, she has ur personality...but i could be wrong...and yw. :PP Im glad to help...or just be rly annoying...depends on how u look at it. :DD
| RedNoble chapter 11 . 8/31/2011
i think in the end you meant to write 'to the average VAMPIRE, blood from a human is like...'
but other than that. it was perfect. i liked the conflicting feeling. and how he's angry and not just jumping to conclusions like most characters are made to do.
the way you describe things even though its brief it's still really descriptive and well thoguht-out.
galen becomes my favorite character more and more with every chapter!
don't ever end it. the author's note in the end almost killed me. D:
do you mean what safara has? isn't it fire?
| RedNoble chapter 10 . 8/31/2011
OMG. OMG. OMG. OMG. OMG.
i think i went "WOOOOOOAHHH!" like 50 times while reading this.
and GOD damn, did it get hot at one point.
jesus, galen and flora... xD need to get it on one of these days.
but the ending was just... i can't even explain it.
AWESOME! i need NEED to read the next chapter. so this is all i can babble.
| Tauria chapter 10 . 8/27/2011
HES HER DAD? WOW. . . sry... little bit of all caps SURPRISE there...
| RedNoble chapter 9 . 8/15/2011
LMAO. "i hate life." i can imagine.
woah. so, i've missed this story. i'm glad your back! -
good chapter. as always.
flora v.s galen is still as hilarious as ever.
and did you say hunter bandaged up her ankle? that dosent sound so villain-like to me. xD
regardless, update soon! :DD
| AlysonSerenaStone chapter 9 . 8/15/2011
I like the step up of this chapter
| KingOwlEye chapter 9 . 8/15/2011
i like the chapter. i was on the edge of my seat with every word, hoping she wouldnt die. and now i want to know where flora went and what about Galen and Mitch? how will thier hungry die down? so many questions. Gah...:) thank you for updating.
school takes alot of time off from writting i know but i see it as a chance to think of a better versions of the ideas you set for the your story update as soon as you can please lol
| KingOwlEye chapter 8 . 7/28/2011
Your knowledge of the supernatural world is amazing. so many names and diff languages, is it real or did you just make them real? i love the story so far, some parts were a little dry but it got me intrested alot. i want to know what happens next so update soon.
P.S also i do have a bad feeling about mitchel and hunter. Hunter seems to be everywhere they are. And what about the ueen's son, i wonder wat he holds in this. so many question lol. pleaes keep writting.
| AlysonSerenaStone chapter 8 . 7/26/2011
| RedNoble chapter 8 . 7/23/2011
this was all over the place!
i was confused, then shocked, then worried, then confused again! :O
:( i hate that the chapter is short, but it was still really good! it makes me wonder whats going to happen next. :D
and Mitchel is really suspicious. i have a bad feeling about him and hunter.
anyway, great chapter and update soon! :D
| Tauria chapter 7 . 7/20/2011
Tauria Aw . .. why'd you end it like that? That ain't fair . . . of course . . . I do the same sometimes . . . so I can't really talk . . .
Anna: HI ME!
| AlysonSerenaStone chapter 7 . 7/19/2011
hehehe, they're going to get into it.