|Reviews for Love Undercover|
| pandachick97 chapter 10 . 10/3/2012
Omggg i loooooove it update soooon
| Amulet heart chapter 15 . 10/25/2011
Tadaa! Wow..Thank god cause i am able now to have my reviews..
hm..well, i like the story specially the special memory chapter..love it..
| xFearTheReaperx chapter 14 . 10/2/2011
I love this story!
AHHH~ I cannot wait for the next chapter of it .
I love how you have her falling for two guys, and another guy she knows come to her life, it add's drama!
I love the plot of the story, and the main character is wonderful (I love the fake last name, it made me lol)
Please write more! I cannot wait!~~
| SHARINGisn'tCARING chapter 14 . 10/2/2011
Well I was really hoping I could do this anonymously, but I can't so here it goes...
First off, this story is somewhat interesting, but somewhere around in the middle of the chapter it loses its appeal. So put some quirks about Gabriella, because everyone is not perfect, everyone has at least one or more quirks.
Second, you NEED to make this chapters way LONGER. It would really help with getting more reviews, favorites, and/or alerts. Like you said, "I don't want a lot of chapters."
Third, You really need to stop put cliff hangers in every single chapter. I mean meeting Nick is not a reason to put a dramatic pause to the chapter. So what I'm trying to say is less drama equals longer chapters like I said up there.
Fourth, write up a point of view of the two students, sorry forgot their names, and have them say some of their life stories. It COULD help you get some more readers, but I'm not saying you WILL get some readers.
Last but not least, you could work on your grammar more, but you don't have to, if you don't want to.
Just some friendly criticism, hope you use some of this friendly advice.
| Right honorable Captain POtato chapter 4 . 9/28/2011
hey! i really like this story! it's so original and inventive! and i toootttaaalllly lurv the use of names! asum work chika! (u r a chik rite? :) anyways- well done:)
oh- sorry- i wanted to say also, that u should be careful about re using the same word to describe something over and over. (u use 'sharp' ALOT) but otherwise, this story is amaaaaaaaaaaazing! :) :) :) :) :) :) :)
| germanshepherd chapter 9 . 8/13/2011
when are you going to update?
| luvbookworm chapter 9 . 8/12/2011
i think u post the wrong chapter 4 chap 9
| xKarix chapter 8 . 8/10/2011
I'm not much of a reviewer so I'm sorry if I don't review as often. Anywayz, I have to say I love reading this. It makes me feel like I'm reading a manga. This is probably the only story that makes me think that way and I love it! D
| xKarix chapter 7 . 8/9/2011
I totally love her character! She doesn't take sh-t from anyone x
| RedX9 chapter 1 . 7/26/2011
hmm. There is no buildup from the beginning, all we know is the main character introducing herself and then bam! she has to move away to become a teacher. It just very fast just unripe. Why does her father want to kill her? Who is your friend? These things should be explained in the first chapter. You have to develop the main character and her lifestyle more. The introduction doesn't count because you're just telling us about her. You have to show us what she has been doing until that call came up.
And also another thing which is about the guillability of the people around her. Even if the mysterious friend told them about this, shouldn't they be all suspicious and skeptical about all this? There must be questions asked. Its like they don't even know him and he's telling them that Gabby's in danger. Who would believe that and instead the unknown man may even be suspected.
"I saw so many of my friend's, my relatives, and everyone that was close to me were already starting to make up a plan. It was to go into a disguise and live somewhere else for a while, keeping the fact that I wanted to be somewhat near my family so that I could check up on them. One of my family friend's is the principal of a high school; he told me that I could be a teacher there, and that I could live at their house for a while". This sentence seems to just be very convenient for the reader. You can elaborate on this part. I mean there are bound to be arguments and disagreements along the way and such. You can make this part more interesting. That part could have been another chapter itself, you can even use that part as a plot device onto why dad want Gabs to bite the dust.
And also like someone who reviewed your story before, the main character comes out largely as a mary sue. If you don't know what a mary sue is. Its a female character who is perfect at everything with good looks without any actual flaws and they do what you write about gabriela and these types of characters are very one dimensional and boring to read. Sorry to be that honest. But at least bring out some flaws to spice up her character. Not everyone is perfect
| hopelesslyaddictedtoU chapter 1 . 7/21/2011
huge fan of naruto? ;)
| godruleshell chapter 1 . 7/21/2011
I stopped reading at the third line.
Think of one person, one person in the whole wide universe, who could POSSIBLY be "excellent in everything."
No wonder her father wants to kill her, the girl is a freaking Mary-sue. If you don't know what that is, look it up, and see how much people with literary standards and functional brains despise such characters.
Also, darling, be so kind as to write out your numbers. This isn't science class or math. If it has fewer than four digits, don't be too lazy to write it out.