Reviews for Not Right
MariellaSpeaks chapter 1 . 7/13/2011
I liked the briefness of this - the piece was very interesting a result, not knowing the characters or the context of the situation. I also liked the contrast between the main character (black-haired, sort of introspective) and the obviously easy-going, blond character. The introspection was pretty enjoyable to read; I'm a big fan of extensive character development.

One thing I would suggest for the future is to reduce and restrain your description of looks. Flowery prose often muddles things and makes the reader more skeptical. "Poison green eyes" was reminiscent of a romance novel - mostly because any person narrating to themselves would be unlikely to describe his own eyes, and because I have a hard time figuring out what "poison green" actually is. The gorgeous blue eyes, etc etc, that is really pushing it. You can still describe the eye color and portray the characters' appearances very distinctly and beautifully while conserving words.

Good work! I look forward to reading the rest of your writing.