|Reviews for Gozen Island|
| Grandma chapter 1 . 12/2/2011
Keep it up! You have given the reader a hint about what may be coming. Keeps them reading. I have nothing to offer except encouragement.
| Imagination12 chapter 8 . 11/3/2011
Oh, so he's a scientist, not an evil dentist...
I still have no clue why he's creeping on them.
I would have eaten the skittle, too. Yellow ones are good.
Gifts and Cheeses. That was really... cheesy. So was Arnold.
Hope you don't get writers block again!
| Imagination12 chapter 7 . 9/18/2011
Well, that was entirely random. How did the handkerchief help freeze time?
You're doing a new story? Cool! I'll read it as soon as I can.
So, how's Doctor Who like? Inspirational?
Dentists. Most of them are creepy it seems. Especially ones named Arnold. What's my dentists name again...?
As you can see, I'm jumping ideas.
I hope you do well with this story and your new one!
| Imagination12 chapter 6 . 9/9/2011
High Fructose Corn Syrup! Corn will take over the world!
Catalina divided by zero, such a bad idea. And you did your first lampshade~! Hoorah!
The room with the sphere and the mirror, the gyroscope, and the almond. Probably my favorite room. I would love to be that guy! Think of how fun that would be!
I hope you keep writing soon.
| kuronekoevan chapter 6 . 9/8/2011
An amusing read. They broke the fourth wall many times, which never failed to impress me. A lively children fantasy, but not unappealing to adults and teenagers alike. Although, I did confuse Jack and Carl a bit at the beginning. Maybe you need some more descriptions. Not much yet is happening, so not much to comment on the storyline, yet. Good luck.
| Imagination12 chapter 5 . 8/24/2011
Good thing they ate before they went to the candy factory! Karl's dream is amazing. I would love to have dreams like that. I noticed around the time Karl was waking up, it got a little unclear on who was what was where. Weird sounding, and you forgot an end quote.
But besides that, it's progressing well. Can't wait for the next chapter!
| Shelly chapter 4 . 8/14/2011
Your dialogue and character interaction is quite realistic - that's hard for even pro writers! Immediately we get a feeling for each character's personality through his or her conversations.
What you could work on more is descriptions of physical things, and working those descriptions in so they sound natural within the flow of the story. For example, we don't know what any of the characters look like or what Catalina's house or neighborhood - really any of that setting - looks like. This will help the reader visualize the exciting action you've already got in.
This is an extraordinary first attempt at writing. When I used to critique adults who were trying to get their first novels published, many did not have your skills at character description. Now develop those characters throughout the plot and give lots of descriptions to help your reader imagine the scenes, and you'll have a fabulous story!
| Imagination12 chapter 4 . 8/12/2011
You finally broke the cycle! Arnold!
I liked the Gollum part. I'm going to look at the first paragraph now, just to check...
Your story is progressing really well. I liked the flight attendant thing, too. Really funny.
| Imagination12 chapter 3 . 8/10/2011
"Sure that stuff happens to me everyday."
That was really funny. (Didn't mean for the really.)
That sounds like something you would say. "That stuff happens to me everyday!"
The writing style makes it easy to read and understand and the characters are funny. The "Karl..." thing reminded me of Llamas with Hats.
| Imagination12 chapter 2 . 8/10/2011
So far, I have to say that Karl is my favorite character. "I have my ways..." That was funny. I was wondered why Karl has K, Cara has C, and Jack has K and C. Was that on purpose of by coicidence?
I think this story is really interesting so far!
| CosmosSurfer chapter 1 . 7/15/2011
The "bye bye kids" idea was just to make the situation a bit more creepy and to show that it definitely wasn't something that would happen in real life. What do you mean by "me or the elevator"? I wrote it, but the elevator said it. :)
| Ea Episcopal chapter 1 . 7/15/2011
I really like your idea. The Bye-bye kids! thing was really creepy. Your characters are well made and I like them so far. I hope you keep writing.
Hey Finn, is it you saying bye-bye kids or the elevator because if it's you, then your being mean.
Hi. Hello. Hola.
Good Day. Good bye. Toodles.