|Reviews for The World in Play: Chapter 2: The Orca in the Lake|
| Lynn K. Hollander chapter 1 . 1/26
Thanks for the kudos. I try to avoid info-dumps. I find them boring and too much like _Dick and Jane go to the Moon_(which I called some story or other that I gave up on and deleted). I tend to ignore back story until the narrative presents a plausible reason for discussing it or where omitting it would lead to confusion.
| Arethusa Cyberia chapter 1 . 1/25
I'd like to add something here in regard to character development, not necessarily for the author (who undoubtedly already knows this) but for those aspiring writers who read this story.
Notice that Ann is very powerful. She seems like God, doesn't she? She can do anything. Nothing can stop her ... or CAN she be stopped?
Everyone knows the dangers of creating a "Mary Sue" (if you don't, you should know) and the LAST thing an author wants is for a MC to be without flaws. Not only is that boring, it's unrealistic.
Notice that Ann has limits. She depleted her power source, and required time to recover. She also cannot venture farther than fifty miles from San Francisco Bay. Very well done. :) The author knew better than to create an omnipotent being without limits. Just as a vampire has limits (Martin "can't go out easily" ... and NO it has nothing to do with "trouble getting through a door,") whatever Ann is ALSO has limits.
Kudos to Lynn. Excellent work. :)
I thoroughly enjoyed the "parakeet speak."
Recently, I researched the words "toward," "forward," and "backwards." "Towards" just didn't seem right to me, and so I've discovered that the "American" part of my brain was cancelling out the "British" part. Usually, I advise writers to use "toward" rather than "towards."
According to online Merriam-Webster's editor, Jane Mairs, "Toward and towards are completely interchangeable, so you can use either one whenever you want.
Now let’s go a little deeper:
Toward and towards are prepositions that mean “in the direction of someone or something, or close in location or time." As prepositions, they are followed by nouns or noun phrases.
However, there is a difference in their usage. Although toward and towards are used at about the same frequency in spoken language, in written language toward is used much more often than towards, roughly five times as often. (This applies to American English only; in British English towards is the more common variation.) So if you'd like to be on the safe side, use toward and you won't be wrong. But the choice is really up to you."
I prefer to use "toward." :)
I'm also annoyed with some of your reviewers. (I'm sure you know which ones.) KICK, KICK, KICK.
I really must do something with all this passive-aggressive energy ...
| Loraine Wentworth chapter 1 . 7/18/2012
I'm starting to get to know more about Ann and so far I like her. I'd like to know more about her magical abilities- does she have specific limits? I'll keep reading to find out more though! I really like the bird dialogue. It's probably how they would talk, if they could.
Some confusion about the geography: You mention the setting is a reservoir. How did the orca get into the reservoir?
she felt a steady flow of water, east to west, all around her. She
assumed it was a small branch [Formatting problem here]