|Reviews for Sea Glass|
| Al Kristopher chapter 8 . 4/27/2015
Now that we've come to the end, I think you missed a great opportunity to develop characters. Isra got a little bit of a story, but everyone else, even Yasen, seems like a mystery. You don't need to reveal everything at once-be it in dialogue or through narration-but tidbits here and there can really make the difference between a "name" and a "person" (if that makes sense). The relationship between the two main heroines still feels like a friendship (this coming from a guy who has forced more than his fair share of couples); it would've been great to see them go on an adventure together...or a raid...or really, ANYTHING! Hardly anything HAPPENED in your story! Okay, so there was one raid, a storm, a visit to port, some dancing...and that's it. That's barely anything. People expect to see more swashbuckling in their pirate stories. Well, at least nobody said "Arr!" And what exactly is a "very old chilling laugh"? And why would she have to separate from her crew to track someone down? They're pirates, aren't they? There's nothing stopping the whole crew from going along with this, especially if a substantial amount of money is involved! She'll need a ship and a crew anyway, right? Why not use the one she has now? NON SEQUITOR!
Can I make a recommendation? Search for a webcomic called "I Was Kidnapped By Lesbian Pirates from Outer Space!" (yes, that really is the title) It's incredible sexy fun, with a wonderful art style, tongue-in-cheek writing, cute lesbians, and wacky hijinks (and short enough to finish in a few days). If you want to read something of mine, try out the first three or so chapters of "The Song of Itzamna" (I say three chapters knowing full well its length. I don't expect anybody to read the whole thing unless they WANT to. If you're not into it after three chapters, that's fine).
My total rating for this story: a stale biscuit out of ten. While your use of description is strong, there's very little character development or activity to distinguish this story from anything else. It feels like the whole thing could've been told in far fewer chapters, and with much greater care to its structure. Believe me when I say, though, I've seen much worse-heck, I've WRITTEN worse. I'll take a look at some of your most recent works to see how much you've improved; until then, keep your freak flag high.
| Al Kristopher chapter 7 . 4/27/2015
Since when did Isra get a well? How does that even work on a ship? Wouldn't it just puncture a hole in the...okay, I think you get it. Just keep in mind the difference between celebrating a well, and celebrating a recovery. Also, when a pirate leaves, I didn't know they could find more in the sea. Where all the fish are. And Luca Brazzi. Sorry, I can't help myself. I'm somewhat of a stickler for literary rules, and while I don't mind small errors, the egregious ones bring out the heckler in me. On the more serious side, I see I jumped the gun when it came to complaining about a lack of backstory, at least as far as Isra's concerned. I'm not afraid to admit when I'm wrong.
| Al Kristopher chapter 6 . 4/27/2015
The "Yasen's bounty hunt" sub-plot sounds interesting, though I don't get why she's so picky about the next one. I'm no expert when it comes to bounty hunters, but wouldn't they typically take what they could get? And wouldn't it be a great addendum to the story if Isra and Yasen went after one together? Especially if one happened to link with Isra's dark past, hint. Of course, it's your story; this is just the creative in me talking. Also, this isn't a complaint so much as a question: is catnip REALLY good for fevers? Even if it is, a bit of research would enhance the details and make it more believable.
| Al Kristopher chapter 5 . 4/27/2015
It's great that Isra has a past and all, but having her cat killed isn't exactly all that dark or dreadful-and even if it were, one incident does not a history make. It would've been better to develop a series of events, or maybe something more spectacular; that would give her something to work off, and would've made a more significant confrontation down the line (and in stories like this, a confrontation is essential. Let's face it, revenge makes a great tale). Also, now that I'm thinking about it, it would be nice to understand WHY these people entered into a life of piracy. Even if it's something simple, a bit of backstory is always good.
| Al Kristopher chapter 4 . 4/20/2015
Celebrating after making it through a storm? Unless it was a hurricane that lasted three chapters and ran the gamut of actions and emotions, I don't think so. Also, am I daft, or do these pirates not take part in much...well, piracy? So far I think they've only plundered one ship for one treasure box. Legitimate, royally-approved naval commanders of ye olden times have done more than that, so if you're going to say "pirate", there needs to be more high-seas, preferably high-stakes robbery. I understand this is a short story, but still. You could at least have a character list off a series of previous adventures for Yasen (it would be a great way to flirt/interact). Generally, you need to be very strict about editing, revising, and refining your work. The first few chapters were fine but you really stumbled a lot here. A good story should have a smooth flow to it. This one seems to have lots of ruts that could be easily repaired.
| Al Kristopher chapter 3 . 4/20/2015
I do like how you put a special attention to describing things. It shows you have a care for this world and its details. One thing that really bugged me, however, was the repetition of the word "storm" (I think I saw you use it ten times in a single paragraph). Repeating ANY word too often is a good way to kill your story; try to find different ways to describe it (most Word programs have built-in thesauruses). Also? Lemon cookies were lemony? Ya think?! You also spent WAY too much time on biscuits, when the far-more-interesting storm should have been occupying our attention. Ask yourself: which would you rather read about? Unfortunately, in the end, the storm barely warranted mentioning, while the biscuits seemed to be the highlight of the chapter. LAME.
| Al Kristopher chapter 2 . 4/20/2015
Inconsistencies and structural errors aside, this was a decent follow-up. I feel like Yasen doesn't really have much of a voice, as she says and does very little in this chapter. If she's to be any sort of character, you need to show it. I get that she's standoffish, but you need more of a demonstration (and reaction from other characters) than you've already shown.
| Al Kristopher chapter 1 . 4/20/2015
You know what? It's actually not too bad. A bit short, perhaps, but that might work to your advantage. I know sometimes it's difficult to get invested in long stories, and beginning with brievity is not a bad idea. My only major complaint is the identity of the other swordswoman; at first I thought she belonged on that ship. You didn't make it entirely clear she was a stowaway as well (or is she? See what I mean?), but a brief edit should fix that. As a fan of lesbian pirates, I am looking forward to more.
| Grac3 chapter 8 . 2/8/2014
I really enjoyed this story. I love the idea of a female pirate captain, and your female characters in this are incredibly interesting. I particularly liked your descriptions of them. I look forward to reading the sequel that you have planned.
| breakthehabit chapter 8 . 12/2/2012
Heys! Awesome story, I likes it. :D Just a thing, on both of your profiles on fanfiction and fictionpress, the link to each is wrong. :P You forgot the swiggly line. So not /thecrazycatlady but /thecrazycatlady . Just thought I'd let you know
| Frosty Blueberry chapter 7 . 10/6/2012
alright. good chapter. hurry and get the next chapter up.
| earthserpent chapter 6 . 6/26/2012
Woo! YAY! keep going.
| SweetFangs chapter 5 . 11/5/2011
Holy crap, you updated! The world must be ending! Nah, jk.
Wait, so Desert Flower's a person or an actual desert flower? o.O
Nice chapter. I liked the moment at the end. Update soon please...? Please please please?
| Frosty Blueberry chapter 5 . 10/23/2011
aw that was sweet. keep going.
| Frosty Blueberry chapter 4 . 10/2/2011
hey this isn't bad. keep going.