I loved it! thanks so much for sharing it with everyone!

Damn, getting your first period in front of your parent (and having it pour down!) and then being told you have to get married! I wonder if they would've married me off when I got my first period. I had just turned eleven, see. I imagine I'd try to run away if they did that, and if it failed, I probably would've committed suicide. I'm too proud, you see. Always have been. Far too proud to get married at such a young age.

We'll see if your spelling and mistakes bug me to the point where I can't read your story. I'll be sure to let you know.

Truly an amazing story! The whole thing was wonderfully put together! (:

I loved that story! I felt that it really tied in with Egyptian legends and names very well, and you really kept consistent with the character personalities. I loved the way that you ended it, even though it was sad.

I truly did love this story. I thought the tellig of it was a little cold and I had trouble sympthising with Meri but I thought that made it seem truer to the time period where I doubt as much emotion would have been shown. I loved Jabari from the start and the ending was so happy it nearly made me cry -Anippe and Ottah being all grown and healthy.

Thanks for sharing. Definite fave :)

I completely fell in love with this story. This chapter made me cry, not because it was sad, but because it was so sweet. Tears of joy. I hope I can find a love like Meri's and Jabari's...though..not with all the rough times they had.

I want Jabari! So lovely and emotional! I cried at the end.

I quite enjoyed this work of fiction. I have only one complaint. If you ever re-write this story, it would probably be in your best intersted to change the wording and saying of the characters. You use a lot of modern sayings that were not spoken back then. I would say do some research and learn more about the saying and speach of the time period, and then your story would be improved ten fold. Other than that I must say that the story line was very interesting and kept me interested. Good job!

What an amazingly beautiful story. I am so lucky to have found it! Thank you for writing this, it brougt a few tears to my eyes. Thank you.

-Jazz

You make the language a little bit more formal. After the characters are members of Pharoah's family and his servants so they wouldn't be using some of the language you're having them use. There are also a few typos but I think you managed to do a very good job writing the story.

apps/forums/

Well done!

prettily written and yes there are typos, but frankly, most stories on here have more... D

btw, my name is really Kiveda on fp, i'm just too lazy to log in...

This is an amazing story! I think I would have enjoyed it a bit more, however, if you hadn't been so hostile in te introductions at the beginning. And yes, there are a few typos in your story. I would offer to Beta for you, but as I have no access to a computer, I would have to just correct, as my iPod does not have the ability to highlight items, nor I the time to make notes on every typo. I apologize for that.

Neertheless, you are an amazing, and very creative writer. I applaud you.

Keep writing!

It was a great story told.

You just have to go back and fix up a few of the spelling mistakes. You used a few words in there that were the wrong spelling... Eg 'were' instead 'where' throne instead of thrown. Etc.

Keep on writing

Grace!

The only thing I find degrading about your story, is that it is informal.

When I think of historical stories set in the Egyptian times, formal language comes to my mind... Yeah -.-

Other than that, you're doing great job!

It's basically perfect, I just think you have to fix the first paragraph so that it stands out.

Keep on writing,

Grace