Reviews for The Sword of Fire
Dreamers-Requiem chapter 17 . 5/18/2013
Most of the things I feel need mentioning are things I’ve said before; issues with POV, description (or lack of). Watch out for sentences that use redundant words, too. Things like [But then something touched my head with a feather-light touched, and I reacted instinctively.] where getting rid of ‘but then’ could really tighten the sentence. Watch out for typos; [My throat was to raw to scream.[ where it should be ‘too’ and mattress instead of mtress. Really simple things that spellchecker will pick up on. [his wings were healed now] going back to redundant words, you could delete ‘were’ there. Having tighter sentences will really improve the general quality of the piece, and increase tension when it’s needed. It’s a really interesting story, but I feel like some of it moves too fast and you could explore the emotions of the characters and the depths of their feelings a bit more to make it really shine. Good luck and, as always, really hops this helps.
Dreamers-Requiem chapter 16 . 2/23/2013
You could really do with a bit more description in this; as it is, the lack of descriptions (or anything not really dialogue) means the text moves quite fast and can be a little difficult to follow. A lot of it slips into telling, rather than showing, so that's something else that can really impact it. I would suggest just going over it, adding in some more description - of the surroundings, the action, character's emotions - and try to slow the pace down a bit. Hope that helps.
Dreamers-Requiem chapter 15 . 10/7/2012
Like I said before, not a fan of the switch in POVs. It just reveals too much, while not really adding much to the story. I would have loved to have seen this from her POV, too, as I think it would be interesting to see what, exactly, happens to her mentally. [and my wings partial broke free,] I think it may work better with a full-stop there instead of a comma, and should that be 'partially'? [to fast for the human children to see,] Should be 'too' at the start there. [I'm afraid its far to late for that.] 'It's' not 'its'. Just a few things I noticed near the start, though there are other things you may want to look over later on throughout the chapter. Hope that helps!
Dreamers-Requiem chapter 14 . 8/26/2012
I think sometimes you slip into telling, rather than showing, especially when it comes to emotions. The plot is interesting, but I think you need to expand on describing her emotions rather than simply stating them. Like I said before, too, watch out for using 'I' too much - especially at the start of sentences. So at the end, "I screamed and fell back" could be "Screaming, I fell back, feeling Michael's stong arms catch me, hearing high, insane laughter echoing in my ears." Just a suggestion, but the main thing I think is to just play around with the sentences and descriptions. Good luck!
Do Play With Fire chapter 27 . 8/11/2012
Hey! I finished. When are they going to finish school?
Do Play With Fire chapter 26 . 8/11/2012
You know that you could have ended the book right here.
Do Play With Fire chapter 25 . 8/11/2012
I liked the dialogue in this chapter.
Do Play With Fire chapter 23 . 8/11/2012
Yes. There is going to be action.
Do Play With Fire chapter 22 . 8/11/2012
Wait? Did I miss something? Rachel can understand the angel language.
Do Play With Fire chapter 21 . 8/11/2012
Could you please add the action in and stop with the drama?
Do Play With Fire chapter 20 . 8/11/2012
That whole thing that happened between Tess and Michael really is not that surprising.
Do Play With Fire chapter 19 . 8/11/2012
Quote of the day, "The hilt of a burning sword was buried in the ground. Great. Was the grass going to catch on fire now?" funny. Can the devil please leave Rachel alone. Thank you.
Do Play With Fire chapter 18 . 8/10/2012
Yes, Tess and Michael indeed need to have a serious conversation.
Do Play With Fire chapter 17 . 8/10/2012
"against the mtress" whoops. Typo there. I think that Tess should have picked another person to supply motivation because (shh) Frodo is not real. Yes I still love this story.
Do Play With Fire chapter 16 . 8/10/2012
I have only one complaint about the story so far, and I noticed this in Hunted too. There are like three characters (yeah that is a slight exaggeration, but you get the gist). I know that it is a little late to ask because you already finished the book but in the rest of the series, give it some fresh meat. Yum!

This is a good story though.
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