Reviews for The Sword of Fire
Dreamers-Requiem chapter 17 . 5/18/2013
Most of the things I feel need mentioning are things I’ve said before; issues with POV, description (or lack of). Watch out for sentences that use redundant words, too. Things like [But then something touched my head with a feather-light touched, and I reacted instinctively.] where getting rid of ‘but then’ could really tighten the sentence. Watch out for typos; [My throat was to raw to scream.[ where it should be ‘too’ and mattress instead of mtress. Really simple things that spellchecker will pick up on. [his wings were healed now] going back to redundant words, you could delete ‘were’ there. Having tighter sentences will really improve the general quality of the piece, and increase tension when it’s needed. It’s a really interesting story, but I feel like some of it moves too fast and you could explore the emotions of the characters and the depths of their feelings a bit more to make it really shine. Good luck and, as always, really hops this helps.
Dreamers-Requiem chapter 16 . 2/23/2013
You could really do with a bit more description in this; as it is, the lack of descriptions (or anything not really dialogue) means the text moves quite fast and can be a little difficult to follow. A lot of it slips into telling, rather than showing, so that's something else that can really impact it. I would suggest just going over it, adding in some more description - of the surroundings, the action, character's emotions - and try to slow the pace down a bit. Hope that helps.
Dreamers-Requiem chapter 15 . 10/7/2012
Like I said before, not a fan of the switch in POVs. It just reveals too much, while not really adding much to the story. I would have loved to have seen this from her POV, too, as I think it would be interesting to see what, exactly, happens to her mentally. [and my wings partial broke free,] I think it may work better with a full-stop there instead of a comma, and should that be 'partially'? [to fast for the human children to see,] Should be 'too' at the start there. [I'm afraid its far to late for that.] 'It's' not 'its'. Just a few things I noticed near the start, though there are other things you may want to look over later on throughout the chapter. Hope that helps!
Dreamers-Requiem chapter 14 . 8/26/2012
I think sometimes you slip into telling, rather than showing, especially when it comes to emotions. The plot is interesting, but I think you need to expand on describing her emotions rather than simply stating them. Like I said before, too, watch out for using 'I' too much - especially at the start of sentences. So at the end, "I screamed and fell back" could be "Screaming, I fell back, feeling Michael's stong arms catch me, hearing high, insane laughter echoing in my ears." Just a suggestion, but the main thing I think is to just play around with the sentences and descriptions. Good luck!
Do Play With Fire chapter 27 . 8/11/2012
Hey! I finished. When are they going to finish school?
-Alex
Do Play With Fire chapter 26 . 8/11/2012
You know that you could have ended the book right here.
-Alex
Do Play With Fire chapter 25 . 8/11/2012
I liked the dialogue in this chapter.
-Alex
Do Play With Fire chapter 23 . 8/11/2012
Yes. There is going to be action.
-Alex
Do Play With Fire chapter 22 . 8/11/2012
Wait? Did I miss something? Rachel can understand the angel language.
-Alex
Do Play With Fire chapter 21 . 8/11/2012
Could you please add the action in and stop with the drama?
-Alex
Do Play With Fire chapter 20 . 8/11/2012
That whole thing that happened between Tess and Michael really is not that surprising.
-Alex
Do Play With Fire chapter 19 . 8/11/2012
Quote of the day, "The hilt of a burning sword was buried in the ground. Great. Was the grass going to catch on fire now?" funny. Can the devil please leave Rachel alone. Thank you.
-Alex
Do Play With Fire chapter 18 . 8/10/2012
Yes, Tess and Michael indeed need to have a serious conversation.
-Alex
Do Play With Fire chapter 17 . 8/10/2012
"against the mtress" whoops. Typo there. I think that Tess should have picked another person to supply motivation because (shh) Frodo is not real. Yes I still love this story.
-Alex
Do Play With Fire chapter 16 . 8/10/2012
I have only one complaint about the story so far, and I noticed this in Hunted too. There are like three characters (yeah that is a slight exaggeration, but you get the gist). I know that it is a little late to ask because you already finished the book but in the rest of the series, give it some fresh meat. Yum!

This is a good story though.
-Alex
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