Reviews for Demon Soul
Guest chapter 9 . 6/6
Ill be honest here but this needs a lot of improvement. You have some pretty interesting concepts but the execution is a bit lacking . First of all , you have a tendency to use big words for things that can be simply described. This isnt bad per se but at some point , it gets a little ridiculous to read. i.e. "dental activities" for teeth chattering. Your dialogue also doesnt sound like something people would actually say in real life , sans the dialogue from the otherworldly beings of course.

And tbh, its a little off putting to read about how their names were so carefully described in an earlier chapter. I mean, I get that they're characters and its supposed to be meaningful. Bur I dont think it should be that blatant !

Lastly, I think you need to cut back on the darkness man. I get that its the theme but I feel like there's too much allusion to it in almost every sentence ! Like I cant get through one paragraph without coming across a synonym of it to describe something.

Thats just me though.
4MeJasper chapter 2 . 6/10/2013
Whoa!

Love this: with electric darkness rolling off him in dusty clouds, blackness swarming around him like tendrils of snakes.
Bookworm45669 chapter 87 . 5/25/2013
Yus!
Thank you, Neuravinci!
Dark God chapter 19 . 2/23/2013
I think those little creatures are devils.. not demons, I think i heard that demons are big creatures and devils are smaller creatures. I'm not to sure about that though.. But from all this reading so far, hell sounds like a very scary place I really thought it would be an everlasting world of fire and torment but I guess not.. o.0
Dark God chapter 15 . 2/23/2013
This chapter was a bit funny, but I could feel how disgusted you were by that I would be to..
Dark God chapter 8 . 2/22/2013
So... There is no God?.. If so then who created humans (mortals) ?
Dark God chapter 2 . 2/22/2013
I'm just asking, you don't need to reply... What is your name?
michelle kelly chapter 1 . 9/22/2012
It awakened my curiosity.
Lia Jenson chapter 3 . 8/19/2012
Your character is a bit arrogant, isn't she? Despite her denying it...she's very Mary Sue-ish in her introduction and self-description. Lots and lots of detail for herself and no one else. I also feel she's trying to patronize us when she drops a bigger vocabulary word during her verbose rambling, even if I know what it means. The last line is...well, I can't say I like it.
Lia Jenson chapter 2 . 8/19/2012
" I was virginal, as was my friends."
As much as that little line there made me think about virgin sacrifice...her friends WERE virginal? How did she know that?
They tell her that bit of personal info?
Whatever, I think this is great otherwise, and I'll glady keep reading...Prepare for my two cents!
Guest chapter 4 . 6/20/2012
This is fucking terrible, I can't even read any more. You're such an arrogant writter. The character's names are just ridiculous and your way too descriptive, so much so that it's off-putting.

I made it to chapter four of this shite. I shall read no more.

Good day.
Guest chapter 4 . 6/20/2012
This is fucking terrible, I can't even read any more. You're such an arrogant writter. The character's names are just ridiculous and your way too descriptive, so much so that it's off-putting.

I made it to chapter four of this shite. I shall read no more.

Good day.
Kazu'sTsundere21 chapter 87 . 4/23/2012
(\o/) i finished! 3 im gonna go read the sequel now, i would die if i didnt XD
Sacron chapter 1 . 4/23/2012
This story is very intriguing so far. I too am fascinated by the darkness and this looks like it will be an amazing story.

Thanks for showing so much interest in my story! More to come soon.

Sacron
Chocolate Ninja chapter 63 . 2/28/2012
Damn, she really got the crap kicked out of her lol. That was intense. Gah and I feel so torn over the Abdonia-Amlab thing. No way he sent that monster to rip up Shahor, there's just no way...right? Maybe Abdonia staged the whole thing to earn her trust? Idk man, idk. What the heck.

~Choco
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