Reviews for Jemima
No Need To Argue chapter 2 . 2/20/2013
Ha! Good one, I would've bitten him too! LOL

I'm sorry I haven't complimented your writing style in the first chapter. This story is very imaginable for me, I like the characters and it keeps me wondering what Jemima and Sir John have to hide from this young girl. I'm also very curious about what has happened to his wife, something tells me she didn't die a natural death.
No Need To Argue chapter 1 . 2/20/2013
Lovely first chapter! I immediately got sucked into this story, I can imagine Jemima already, don't ask me why, but I imagine her as a cross-breed between Disney's Merida and Rapunzel due to the description of her hair, but very old of course... XD I immediately had a feeling Sir John was no good. Hope the girl makes the right decision.
Deedee Elle chapter 5 . 11/19/2012
It was good to see some kindness in Sir John in this chapter, he is more complex than just a pantomime villain. The scene between Lucy and Arthur was sweet and you're setting up a nice hero, though he seems so innocent that I'm expecting Lucy will have to solve any problems alone.
Poor Nelly! I was hoping to the end that she'd survive.
Persevera chapter 5 . 10/7/2012
I had just begun to hate Sir John then he did something for the child that he'd just said meant nothing to him, not only giving them his horse but also going after the mother. She probably wouldn't have come with anyone else.
[Instinctly I reached for my throat. How could I have forgotten my near murder only an hour later?] I'm thinking the first word should be instinctively, but yours might be an British variation. I know later should be earlier.
The moment with Arthur was very sweet.
The best, though certainly a horrific phrase, would be the virgin white bone-perfect description for the injuries of a little girl
Persevera chapter 4 . 10/7/2012
I didn't hate Sir John before. Jemima seemed like a misanthrope who didn't think Sarah should be with any man. Now I hate him.
[It was here I realized that my finger was stroking a trigger.]-Good choice of verb. That's actually one of my favorite things about your writing thus far is the verbs, such as shouts skittering, a scream stabbing in the last chapter. They create a mood, as well as an explanation.
Reading on to find out how Arthur found the bloodied Nelly
Persevera chapter 3 . 9/14/2012
Your ending creates such tension. I know Lucy's in danger and also someone else is frightened or hurt because of the scream stabbing through the trees (how powerful)
I'm glad to see a good guy introduced in the story. I wasn't sure if Jemima had any regard for men and that if she might influence Lucy that way. I want to see more of Arthur
Persevera chapter 2 . 9/11/2012
This reminds me of a Miss Marple story where bitter almonds meant poison. It's suspenseful and informative. The contrast in Sir John's embrace is interesting-one hand rough enough to bruise Lucy while another is very gentle and he looks at her tenderly. But that's because he wants a pure little bride. What will happen to her if he thinks she's less than that?
Tawny Owl chapter 1 . 7/5/2012
I was looking for something weird and scary to read and your summary ticked both those boxes.

I loved the opening description of the bird and the contrast between black and white. Not sure brambles can really be considered black, although the berries are. I would have also liked to know more about the house the girl was in, and what she was doing when she saw the bird or how it felt to see it suddenly appear in her house. It was still a nice sinister start though - especially as the summary hints birds will play a role later.

Also intrigued by the constant mentions of Jemima. It does make me want to meet her, although by the time Sir John turns up it is starting to feel slightly over done. I did like the way you described Sir John through scents though. Very evocative.

Yes or no. A rock and a hard place. - loved this.

I am curious as to why Sir John has made a poor peniless girl with no standing an offer of marriage though. The reference to the ring made me think it was marriage and not something more illicit.

The way Sir John reveals himself as bit of an imperious bully is good too.

We do seem to get to Jemima's house very quickly too. It feels like Sir John pounces on Lucy as she leaves her house. It's fine if Jemima live sjust over the road, but I think some clarification of the geography is needed otherwise it feels like being bounced from place to place.

My words turned to water and slipped back down my throat - that's a lovely image.

And a missing child - that hardly ever bodes well. Especially for old women living alone and young girls associated with them.

I'm increasingly curious about where we are and waht sort of time frame. It feels sixteenth or seventeenth century, but Lucy knows about atoms and tigers.

The mountain of a man still crying is a good detail. I enjoyed that.

"Sit, girl. Is there anything else going on?"

"I believe I saw two shadows on the moor. Who was with you?"

"Sir John," - does Jemima say both of the first lines?

I think I like Jemima more than Lucy at the moment. I think becasue she talks such sense. There's lots of interesting places this story could go too - a great deal has been set up in this chapter so there are lots of hooks to keep me wanting to read on.
TheGrayKid chapter 1 . 6/28/2012
I really liked your use of foreshadowing at the end of the chapter; it really made me want to read more. The whole medieval “he wants to marry me but I don’t want to marry him” conundrum seems overplayed, but the almonds on the breath comment, and the insinuation that there may be darkness below the surface of Sir John really piqued my interest.

I didn’t like the fact that there wasn’t much description about the insides of Jemina’s house. From the first line of the piece it seems apparent that you’re really good at describing things so, I was kind of surprised when the living space of a pretty important character wasn’t brought up.
Whirlymerle chapter 4 . 6/28/2012
[Am I so repulsive that you'd rather spend the rest of your life stitching rags together than live with me] Dialogue is flexible, but I think, for agreement, it should read "stitching rags together than LIVING with me"

I like how you wrote the exchange between Sir John and Lucy. I thought it was really well done and the intensity of the situation really shone through. The action with the gun at the end was also really well done.

I like how you have Sir John mention that Jemima might not want the best for Lucy because it would be an interesting twist, since until now, she's portrayed as a benevolent wise woman. But since it's coming from the obvious villain, I guess you don't really know what to expect.

Merle
AlysonSerenaStone chapter 6 . 6/9/2012
good chapter, Kate
The Autumn Queen chapter 6 . 6/4/2012
Grief, blame and I hazard fear too rolled into one. I rather like how you've displayed the emotions in this chapter. The descriptions seem a little less, the dialogue and action a little more, and all suited towards bringing out this confrontation from the point of view of the underdog.

I do think that last chapter was a little rushed however, and takes away a bit of the suspense. I think that would have suited better in a chapter on its own, or at least at the start of one.
The Autumn Queen chapter 5 . 6/4/2012
Again, your descriptions rock. Ironic having the wolf and the moon together. Reminds me of the werewolf. At the same time, the moonlight represents a multitude of other things: passing, death/illness...and a softer light than the sun. I could go on for ages about that, but definitely well placed. Especially in a forest. Especially with the fire that comes after it.

Something seems missing in this chapter though. It's like one minute they're taking the child to Jemima, and the next they're talking about her dying. I didn't see any indication between those two time periods to suggest that she would die, nor before that in the haste they brought her to the witch. It was quite a sudden turn, and somewhat of a shame seeing as the detail you put into everything else to miss that.
The Autumn Queen chapter 4 . 6/4/2012
Wow, the forest seems so alive in this chapter.

Taking a pass on the EF. Skip to next chapter; this one not counting.
The Autumn Queen chapter 3 . 6/4/2012
She grew thorns. Hehe :) The fire image was nice too. Again, I'm in awe at your descriptions. Not only are you describing things emotively but you're utilising the setting to your advantage as well. Not enough people do that in my opinion. The dialogue in this particular chapter does read a little oddly though. Perhaps Jemima is eccentric. I got the impression she should be speaking a little more "proper" than she is though. She's a tad colloquial which threw off my cultural image. Arthur's was more suited though. Of course, she is a witch, but the old-style witch stuff I've read, like Wise Child, had the "witch" speaking the most formally of them all so it was rather odd to see. Also, I don't think the "you" mentioned in the narrative is entirely effective in this case. It's a little sudden and fleeting, and rather unnecessary too.
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