Reviews for Walking in the Dust
MissLjones chapter 9 . 5/31/2012
It was a very long, but very good chapter, which I loved! Thank you so much for updating the story! And I agree with MissKluck; you're a good writer and it's better if you take your time and write a good chapter :D I look forward to read the next chapter ;)
MissKluck chapter 9 . 5/19/2012
This chapter was amazing! I'm really glad that you could upload a new chapter and I hope that you will not have any more writing blocks. I'm really anxious to what happens next, and I really look forward to read more of your story! :D Take your time, I'll wait. It's better with a chapter that takes a little more time to write and is great than a chapter that is hastily written and not so good. :D
MissKluck chapter 8 . 5/7/2012
Hi! First of all I must just say that I love your story! The characters with all their different personalities and your descriptions of them. Also the story in itself is very good. You are very good at writing and I enjoy this story very much. I really look forward to read more of this story so please update soon! :D
MissLjones chapter 8 . 4/24/2012
I really like this story! I'm so excited to read more! Is there a long time waiting untill the next chapter is being released?

Btw: I am from Norway and in our language is the word, that you use as a name for the horse "Schnurrbart", spelled

"snurrbart" and it means 'mustache with a spin in both ends'. Kinda funny its a norweagian word :p
MissLjones chapter 8 . 4/24/2012
I really like this story! I'm so excited to read more! Is there a long time waiting untill the next chapter is being released?

Btw: I am from Norway and in our language is the word, that you use as a name for the horse "Schnurrbart", spelled

"snurrbart" and it means 'mustache with a spin in both ends'. Kinda funny its a norweagian word :p
Outchance chapter 1 . 12/19/2011
Punctuation was lacking in some places, but all in all, I found the story very entertaining - and that is the whole point of a story, is it not?

This story appeals to me in a way that makes me want to keep on reading, and the writing is structured in such a way that it flows very smoothly from paragraph to paragraph without appearing too cluttered or too rushed. It was, however, a tad boring to be honest in some places where all the information is quickly plied onto the reader, which does detract from the "pageturner" value since the intrigue of the story isn't that consistent - then again that's a problem nearly all writers face, amateur or expert.

All in all, I rather enjoyed the story and look forward to reading more of your work!
Kiroho chapter 6 . 11/28/2011
LOVE IT! Please make more! I BEG OF YOU!

I like how it is in a different world and time, but maybe it would be easier to underdtand with something that tells who it is coming from for example. With chapter 6, I could barely tell the difference between Lamia and Lorelais point of view. But other than thati simply adore this story! I would love to see more! Bye!

-Anonymous girl who loves fantasy
Wendy Thompson135th chapter 1 . 11/28/2011
Commas are missing in a number of places: "Such a pleasure to see you again Miss Lorelai," & "and I hardly think it would have been damaging to your business John & "For you Lorelai, always." ~~from these near the beginning to this, "... and my dear man I am a good judge of character and not easily fooled..."

~~Now, since you also wrote -"As for you, Master James, you have now incurred a debt ..." - you apparently know the correct punctuation around direct address, so it must be a proofreading glitch that omitted the necessary commas in the other examples above. Relax, take more time with the editing. Most of the time, your punctuation is excellent. There's just the occasional goof, but they're very noticeable.
SomeGuyWithAnOpinion chapter 1 . 11/28/2011
I was a tad, skeptical to say the least, as I began reading. I thought that I had just stumbled across another Fan-Fic Fantasy story. However I was pleasantly mistaken as I continued reading and I can honestly say that I want to read more!
Impressed chapter 1 . 7/28/2011
Figured I'd check in before I go on.

Nice beginning, if a little infodump-y, but you redeem yourself further on so I'd be willing to bet it's just the good ol' not-sure-how-to-start-'ems. I see some instances which might be missing commas, but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt based on everything else and your spelling of "colour". I'm a comma dropper anyway, even if we Americans seem to use more commas than you guys.

You're doing really well on characterization at this point, you've got a good plot rolling (not slow on the start-off like some people), and I already feel very familiar with the world containing Guadalupe, which I would suggest you rename for the sake of clarity. Especially like how Lorelai thinks of her dark past; that's good writing how you give us glimpses as things remind Lorelai but don't let the reader follow the thought too far just like Lorelai thinks. You're keeping it sparse enough to avoid telling too much or interrupting the flow of the story, but there's plenty to remind the reader that Lorelai is very involved with this traumatic event. Just remember not to overdo it, but something tells me that's unlikely.

Plus, a second chapter in four days... I'll admit it, I'm impressed. I just can't churn them out that fast!