|Reviews for Love in Fleeting Glimpses|
| nutbuster chapter 1 . 10/10/2011
hm. I don't quite get the concept of.. their physical intimacy leading to sex. probably because I've never thought about it. (then again, I think intimacy is more of heads close together when speaking/looking at something, or hand holding. an erotic sense rather than copulating.)
like.. in theory, yes, I understand it vaguely. but it's not something I've gave any real thought to. err, sorry. it's a bit difficult to explain. for instance, I suppose it's the same scenario when a breakup leads to one night stand with other people because both parties just need the physical intimacy, but in your story it seems as if there's something more-and that something more is what I can't really understand.
I don't understand why John would want to connect with a person he would not pursue. from his personality, I see him more of doing this reluctantly and clumsily-but of course a person has that primitive side. I also want to label their scene as "lust" rather than "love."
I don't know. it's 12AM, I need sleep, but I hope you see this comment as positive. you've made the reader think and question her views... and pushed her out of a boundary. thanks. :)
by the way, your usage of "squish" sort of detracted from the solemn story. maybe replacing it with "squeeze" could be better, but maybe that's just me.
| ShortcakeMattie chapter 1 . 8/3/2011
I love your opening line. It really pulled me in.
You capture the Lila's emotions well as she deals with the discovery of finding her boyfriend(?) with a younger woman.
On the side note about John, you can include that to the rest of the story too. You don't need to mention it's a side note. If that makes sense?
"Thought he would have gotten custody of you in the divorce, right?" - Despite the seriousness of this scene, this sentence made me smile. Even with the heartache, Lila is still able to remain calm and easygoing. You can't say that about everybody.
I thought a few of the paragraphs were a little long. You could break them to make it easier to read. The one that stuck out to me the most, was the paragraph about John's emotions changing when Lila starts crying.
I also love your attention to detail. You manage to create vivid imagery that isn't too descriptive or vague. Well done.
I thought Lila and John moved too quickly to start their little relationship. But I guess will all the high strung emotions they're going through, they aren't really thinking straight. Could be just me though. Don't get me wrong, I do like them as a couple!
I had a feeling John and Lila wouldn't get together. But I think it provides a more satisfactory ending then if they actually started dating and moved on from there. I also liked how you started and ended the story with the same theme.
You probably would not normally recall that, as you were driving to work, the boy at the Tim Horton's drive-thru window could not have looked much older than your 15 year old sister, and [he smiled at you with a grin that he usually only shown for girls with names] like Skylar or Devinn or Kaetlynne (or perhaps boys of similar names, you never know)
Edit: ...he usually only show girls with names...
I thought the wording was awkward; but it just might be me. So you can disregard my suggestion if you want to. :)
Didn't find any spelling errors, other than the one posted above (but I could be in the wrong too) so that's good!
I thought this was neat and concise. Your sentences flowed together nicely as well. One more thing I wanted to point out was that you write first person point of view well. I struggle with the perspective and I usually avoid it, so I admire those who can. :)
Hope my review was helpful!