|Reviews for Never Would I Lie|
| hiram09 chapter 28 . 7/30/2013
Nice! It's exactly what I needed as a reader. This is going to be an interesting resolution. May I, in all humility and speaking only as a reader, and understanding that this is an early draft, ask that perhaps you elaborate a bit earlier on Siren? Just a bit more identity. Whether she turns out to be a good-guy or a bad-guy doesn't matter, but either way, she comes off as suspicious because of the dirth of identity once introduced as a player in the conspiracy. I have no way of knowing if that is intentional or not. If it is, forgive my presumption. Anyway, this is impressive. You have a very strong story line, in my admittedly uneducated opinion. I look forward to the resolution.
| hiram09 chapter 20 . 7/29/2013
Good evolution of plot man. I understand this is a near-first draft. Few typos but pretty clean already. Characters coming off a bit wooden, but I'm sure that will clear up with revisions. I'm seeing no internal logic problems with the plot so far, at least none that can't be answered with plot expansion, as I'm sure there will be. The only internal logic problem I'm seeing that I'm trusting will be dealt with is the problem of her being able to get information she doesn't have unconscious access to, but that does indeed seem to be where the plot is heading. It might not be bad to give some indication somewhere in chapter 17 to 20 that someone, maybe Ivy herself, is beginning to question that inconsistency too. Certainly Morse would, though whether he'd specifically spell it out to Ivy or not is questionable. But really, the story and plot is flowing really nicely brother.
| Visions of Eden chapter 28 . 7/28/2013
I am so eager for the next chapter, :)
The guy I'm seeing has a thing for tan blondes with green eyes, so reading about Wendy made me want to punch Greg in the gut.
Anyway, this story is really interesting so update PLEASE.
| hiram09 chapter 3 . 7/25/2013
This is promising to be a very interesting story, and you write well, in my limited opinion. May I humbly suggest something that was suggested to me by an accomplished writer? It is called, "unpacking" a sentence. It refers to our habit of putting too many thoughts into one sentence. It's the opposite of the advice to "brutally pair down" your writing. Let me use your first sentence in this chapter (3) for an example. "Osborn and Stein worked out of a large, imposing black skyscraper that had worked hard to convert its lower entrance into an idyllic manicured garden that looked just random enough to offset how perfectly trimmed and managed everything was." I humbly suggest this would read better as two sentences, thus; "Osborn and Stein worked out of a large, imposing black skyscraper. The architect had worked hard to convert its lower entrance into an idyllic manicured garden that looked just random enough to offset how perfectly trimmed and managed everything was."
| hiram09 chapter 2 . 7/25/2013
Noted an internal inconsistency in chapter 2; Ivy is speaking as if she has the job, but she's only just found the ad and mentioned going to try out for it. May I humbly suggest you not hurry such things along as it gives the reader the impression he/she is reading an unfinished draft. In fact, this probably is just a draft, leading towards the finished product. Just thought I'd let you know in case you'd missed that. I know in my own writing, it's hard to hear the inconsistencies in my own voice; i need others to point them out.
| Caracol39 chapter 13 . 8/22/2011
This story is getting intense. I like how we're able to understand more about the specifics of the SimVerse in this chapter. You have a relatable main character and an interesting plot, making this one of the first sci-fi entries on FP that I've really enjoyed reading. I'll be looking forward to reading the next chapter!
| Bridgett-blah chapter 8 . 8/11/2011
Ooookay, not bootcamp. GOOD. Haha. Then...what is it? I like kurt :D I still like her boy friend but..haha, if she's mad at him so am I! Lol. Seriously can't wait for more.
| Bridgett-blah chapter 7 . 8/9/2011
Niiiice, call one of the founders, an idiot. O.o
Haha. Oh well, its obvious she's gonna get in...I just really wanna know if it really will have something to do with a bootcamp sorta thing...
| Rashel Slivermoon chapter 5 . 8/6/2011
This is pretty good. I like how you just took all the hi-tech stuff in stride, noting it but not paying that much attention to it. The characters are pretty well devolped too, and I can't wait to read the next chapter!
| Bridgett-blah chapter 5 . 8/2/2011
OH my jeeze, this is awesome! !
Haha. Seriously though. Its s...high tech and future-y. I loooove it! Cant wait for more!