|Reviews for Breaking Point|
| Katalina Tomas chapter 1 . 8/13/2011
It was a little bit literal, but great all the same. The fragment-like sentences I felt belonged in a story of this type. Great job and good luck in the WCC!
| Sercus Kaynine chapter 1 . 8/10/2011
I liked the use of emotion in the piece, and how you used short sentences and paragraphs to emphasize it. Also, nice, if literal, take on the prompt. It was definitely a step outside the box.
Good job and good luck in WCC!
| Dragon made me do it chapter 1 . 8/6/2011
great story, Frankenstein meets werewolves meets sci-fi! I think it is this fusion of quite distinct elements that gives your story interest. we have had each of these elements before in other stories, but never combined in such an original mixture.
The story is well paced and your writing style is quite smooth.
I would consider changing though is:
'One of the laboratory assistants was monitoring Hope's meters on a monitor. Aside from a small spike in heart rate a few moments ago, everything was normal. Then, all of them went up.'
... 'Monitoring meters on a monitor' - the repetition of 'monitor', and it is not so much the meters that are being monitored but the data they contain - perhaps change to 'monitoring Hope's vitals on a screen' or 'watching Hope's stats on a monitor'
... 'Then, all of them went up.' - Since this is a sudden change it might sound better with something like 'all of sudden'.
Really great story, good luck in the contest!
| Crofty chapter 1 . 8/5/2011
This story was really awesome! I agree with the other review, it was a great and literal spin on the phrase. The one thing I didn't get was there was almost no passage of time. Did this happen over a year or something? I only ask because it seemed like Hope savaged Sawyer once badly and she didn't end up in a wheel chair at all.
| rgarner31 chapter 1 . 8/4/2011
omg, going through all these stories for the contest make me less and less confident in my own! You guys are all so creative!
Anyways, i love your take on the prompt. Youde think others would take the meaning of best literally but as far as ive read youre the only one! I love your conclusion and how you seamlessly wrap it all up. The story over all is wonderfully exciting, and i love the part at the end where we realize that the doctor was really was using her as an experiment, nothing more. It disgusting.
Good job, and good luck in the WCC!