|Reviews for Premise|
| vivi493 chapter 16 . 7/6/2012
This is a great story that I will have on alert and added to my favorites. :)
| CharissaKarn chapter 16 . 11/23/2011
YAY! :) i love it! cannot wait to read more! :)
| CharissaKarn chapter 15 . 11/16/2011
YEEEE! i love it! i cannot wait to read more! :)
| KiwiHunch chapter 14 . 10/18/2011
interesting, this chapter is! :D
There's so much mystery and suspense, you never know what's around the corner! I certainly wasn't expecting random dude at the end! Please write more! I wanna see if Addison gets out of this mess!
| Atreyu Legend chapter 2 . 8/28/2011
This chapter felt like one big block of dialogue, but I felt it was necessary for your character development. Which was okay up until the main character Addison, who's supposed to be the awkward new girl in school sticks up for the nerd being picked on by Samuel Van Der Beuk. Either she has some real balls going up to this tough guy and asking him to stop or she adjusted really fast.
That's my big complaint here, your character went from wanting to be invisible (Which is normal) to Sticking up for nerds in what felt like five minutes time. In order to make your characters believable they must be realistically depicted. Maybe instead of her sticking up for this nerd kid, there can be a different way of bringing Samuel into the story since that seems to be your goal here.
I'm not suggesting going all the way back to chapter 2 to change this, but to watch for your character development in your later chapters. If you don't your readers won't believe your characters and if they don't believe your characters then what's left?
Anyway other than that the rest of your dialogue was believable and I'm taking notes because its something I need to improve in myself.
Also I'll be reviewing more tonight, so expect a second review.
| KiwiHunch chapter 13 . 8/12/2011
:D Interesting! THis gets more suspenseful by the second!
| KiwiHunch chapter 12 . 8/10/2011
Nice one! Mystery man might finally have a name now! Whoot!
| KiwiHunch chapter 11 . 8/10/2011
What a way to end a chapter! XD Dang, I hope nothing bad happens to Addy!
Next chapter here I come!
| KiwiHunch chapter 10 . 8/10/2011
Interesting! A lot of mystery going on and it seems awesome to me! Nice going with this one, it's exciting and suspenseful, can't wait for the next chapter!
| Atreyu Legend chapter 1 . 8/9/2011
The story is okay so far, I just can't help but feel like there's way too much dialogue. It feels like there's not a lot of first person perspective description. I feel like I had no idea where the scene was taking place, kind of like all the characters were talking in front of a white backdrop.
But you did describe your characters well enough to where I can picture them talking in my mind and getting on Addison's nerves. Of course I'm only reading the first chapter so far, when I have more time later I can come back to this.
Good job on your first story though, you're writing a hell of a lot better than most.
| mick chapter 1 . 8/9/2011
how old are you, because this is good.
| jenna chapter 1 . 8/5/2011
this was really goood, i understand her character cause my grandparents our pain in the butts too but i still love them. you should write more than only these two chapters
| dharney-barney chapter 1 . 8/3/2011
Guys this book is really important please read