Reviews for Shalom
Fading-Scream chapter 1 . 12/17/2012
Wow, I'm breathless in awe of your poetry. Your wording is sublime and the images you create are flawless. You have a special gift and I feel privileged to have read just a few of your works of art.
AuthorNinjaEarth chapter 1 . 8/20/2011
I think it's obvious who you're talking about. Awesome way to put it too. Excellent work!
nickyO chapter 1 . 8/14/2011
Support and faith in the other, good poem.
Melanie Layugan chapter 1 . 8/11/2011
I have a feeling that I know who this poem is about ;) when reading it out, I found that it flowed very musically and would be a great rap-piece. Keep it up!
simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 8/6/2011
I would either not punctuate that last line with a period or punctuate with periods throughout the piece. Otherwise it reads as if the piece is one long sentence which it's not.

"But you refuse to understand that you're currently like a fish removed from water and/flapping uncontrollably but not yet gutted"... using but twice there sounded a bit awkward to me when I read through the piece

The first stanza was ok. I kinda wished you had explained the source of the grief a bit. The heart/compass thing was a tad cliche and I didn't really get the shalom thing (though they may have been me just being stupid).

That said I really loved the rest of this piece. The emotion behind how much the narrator wants to help this person really comes through and you have some beautiful descriptions.

"carve a chasm into your anguish" flowed really well with the alliteration.

That fish image was also a really great one that I could see in my mind.

"love is not a luxury in this war but instead a necessity open for reach"... was a beautiful way to describe the situation.

"earth veins"... another great description

And the last line was so well done and powerful. Really great job.

PS Check out the Review Game and/or its Review Marathon (links in my profile)
HeroofEnelios chapter 1 . 8/6/2011
Wow, what a wonderful piece right here. It's, so vivid, and well written, it is beautiful.
Punslinger chapter 1 . 8/6/2011
This is a remarkable guided tour of emotional hell that many of us have experienced in our own way, yet offering hope and healing through loving support. Your sentences have sharp hooks (.e.g. "overwhelmed by inconsolable bedlam") that catch the eye with boith pain and enlightenment. It certainly gives us much to think about.
The Stranger in the Moonlight chapter 1 . 8/5/2011
This poem, really struck me. Particularly the title, you chose.

It is interesting because it speaks of tragedy, war, struggle and the conflict as though it is a love tale.

A fascinating you present here, and beautifully written.


The Stranger in the Moonlight
BangxDitto chapter 1 . 8/5/2011
There were various lines in this piece that I la-la-loved.

But I think the best part was how pessimistically optimistic

this piece was. They're my favorites.