|Reviews for Kingdom of Ashburn|
| Ibtenity chapter 3 . 12/7/2012
In the first line, [ He wasn't excited seeing school never appealed] Consider putting a period after "He wasn't excited"
Drake was also a jerk for calling the kid poor when he is obviously the richest person.
Great chapter, I'm jumping right into the next one.
| Nala-Nay chapter 16 . 12/7/2012
Ok, I want to start with Nick! LMFAO! Pedosmile! That's classic! I hope we hear that again. And freakin A! I knew someone was listening to Nick when we was talking to their friends...I knew it and all the hell it had to be Scar. Eff their lives! Didn't Vee tell him not to say anything?! I liked the closeness you had to Nick and Victoria, they gotta stick together especially in this hard time.
Victoria and her mother! All I can say is...DAYUM! She told her mother off! I was surprised, but I also saw her anger, I'd be pissed too. Vee is very strong for 14.
I thought Scar was going to do something to her when he came in Vee's room, but good thing he was too preoccupied with his thoughts of his nephew, but I am surprised, but then not, that he struck her. I hope she doesn't get amnesia from that hit and that Miss Jealousy doesn't do anything to her while she's knocked out. Scar is no fool, but then again he is. I was proud of Vee for standing her ground and hit him where it hurts. Reminded me of Kiara in Lion King when she tells Simba "You will never be Mufasa." But I know that's a totally diff situation and all that other jazz.
Drake is a freakin MESS! I love his character! He's charming and badass, but has a good heart, just a lot of crap is going on for him continuously. I thought he was gonna sleep with Krysta myself, but see, he did good and just wanted her blood. I laughed so hard when she questioned him about liking her and he's 0_0 SERIOUSLY!? And then had the nerve to bring up Twilight. Lol and the 'book; he described to her...Genius! Ha ha..it's called "The Day and Life of Drake Ashburn". The girl that was bothering him before..he was so annoyed and I just died. And saying noPE to that guy. I could picture and hear it.
Aurora and Drake, if she keeps comparing him to William, he just may start to be like him intentionally just to piss her off and then when it's too late, she'll realize that he was really just being him before. LMAO! Bambi! He called her a male deer lol I would have said Faline, but Bambi killed me! And more to come!? Oh boy...I can hear it now: Methuselah...Ancient Pyramid...Kimba...Veggie Tales..etc.
Update soon Scarab!
| incrediblectopus chapter 16 . 12/6/2012
Can you please make Drake stop being an ass?
| Ibtenity chapter 2 . 12/6/2012
There was one paragraph towards the beginning when Drake's mother was talking about traditions that confused me because it has a major typo.
On the other hand, I like how you pace your story; it's fun to read. Though, I wish King James would slap Drake around a bit for being so bratty. xD
| Guest chapter 1 . 12/6/2012
At the beginning of the story, [as if hoping that by a glance that she could reason with him.] Writing 'that' twice is redundant, so dispose of one. ["But I cannot stay here while men from my side go out"] I think you should replace "men from my side" with "my men".
[The boy was only eight years old and didn't understand how the world works yet.] "..and DOESN'T understand" There was a little tense confusion. Lastly, you misspell the word 'surely' as 'surly'.
Just a couple of things that got on my nerves a bit. Sorry if I seem pedantic.
As for the story, I really like how you based it on The Lion King -it's probably my favorite Disney movie.
Oh and the part when William grabs the kings throat was awesome. I loved his dialogue in that scene. It gave me chills.
| Nala-Nay chapter 15 . 12/3/2012
Ok, so I have to start off with the very first line in this chapter! Victoria stormed the castle and as a shapeshifter went to grab her, she glared him down. "Touch me, and so help me God I will take a bat to your head when you sleep!" THAT WAS AWESOME! Girls Rule! And then she burned him anyway and threatened him...that's gold! Hmm, Ayden and Vee have seemed to have gotten closer, but that could be just because they are friends. I loved loved loved the talk between Victoria and James. I felt like I was there in the mist of their conversation. I could really feel both of their points of views and their sense of connectivity between them. James is bold and I think that part is where Drake gets it from. I really like his character and wonder what else you have in store for him.
Scar...HA FREAKIN HA! Ya planned backfired now that you did some thinking huh? Maybe you should get some new sidekicks because the originals just aren't cutting it lol. Fail fail fail. And also, if James can put everything together himself, then he'll realize that Scar just told on himself :p.
Drake and Aurora...first off, how dare he trick her in her sleep lmao! That's just sad and wrong but oh so funny! If she wants to get back on his good side, she may as well tell him everything else if anything else is missing. Yes, Williams journals have his story, but is it just one sided to see who he can get to follow him, unless he has another unknown power besides clairvoyance. I caught that, maybe William and Scar share some qualities as well as I was reading...boy wouldn't that just be wonderful is those two met 0_0! LMAO! Drake drinking at 14! And not caring! He is a mess and had me cracking up the entire time. I'm loving his character even more, but you say he's feeling darker now...hmm, I wonder how 'bad' he'll be lol. He seems to like this mind controlling thing, that could be good or bad.
Asaka and Vee, hmm, now this part had my heart going for a little as well. Vee saw Drake's spirit and followed him to Asaka's house, knowing that she's probably one of the most powerful people in the kingdom...maybe she can tell Victoria something about him.
I'm waiting an interaction between Victoria and Isabelle...hopefully she won't 'burn' her mother. lol
Keep is up Scarab!
| incrediblectopus chapter 15 . 12/3/2012
Fantastic, as usual. God I hope Drake doesn't turn evil or something. That would suck.
| Nala-Nay chapter 14 . 12/2/2012
Lol yes it does, for the title! Good job!
Let's start with Isabelle..uh, I really hope she had a really good reason for doing what she did. That shocked me to a T...very surprised at her actions. I wonder what James and Liz have to say about that too. I'd be pissed at my mom as well, but what is she really thinking? Aww, my poor Nick. I wanna slap Zane, how dare he pick on a 'little boy"? Bully!
Poor Vee too. having to make an 'adult' decision at such a young age. Scar is repulsive! Nasty pervert- "But boy I can't wait until you're eighteen…" EWW! I would have said "oh, but I can." lol. That's just horrible for him to compromise her like that. And the kingdom he 'running' now, it's all gone to pot! So now anyone who is 'plotting' against him is guna die...how about YOU go die?
The gang is still letting Casey hang with them? Um, we need a back story for that one, dear lol. Lol Shayna and Cole, so they're off and on lol.
Wow, so who do we believe when it comes now to William and Aurora? I have to side with the woman lol. We get played so much lol. But that's horrible if what she said was true that he just used her for his own criptic and corrupted well being. We definitely need to hear William's side as well. Lol Drake made me laugh, I guess because he has a bad side and a good side from what I've seen so far and it's like, hmm, well that's normal for everyone! lol. Now he is caught in the middle of this feud and has no way out but to suffer through it and see what the end results will be. I thought for a minute Drake and Aurora were going to have a 'little moment' lol. Their playfulness was cute and I like them working together. Drake still has a lot to learn about being a vamp and now has a lot to learn about this new thing he is involved in.
Keep up the good work dear! Hope ya update soon!
P.S. I was guna write more, but I forgot what I was going to say -_-
| Nala-Nay chapter 13 . 11/19/2012
Oh snapple! Welly well well, this chapt really had me on the edge of my seat Scarab lol. Poor Drake, he has to deal with all the emotions of being a vamp and then the emotions from back home dealing with guilt and to top it all off its magnified. All this craziness for this little 10 year old boy. You Wonderful! Details and explanations in here too and I could picture everything! I like how you especially explained his eyes being a 'hypnotic gazing' way..Oooo :) when he's older ;)..look out girls! lol. Riley made me laugh. he's so funny mean. Like, we know he is serious, but he's funny without even knowing it. Evan is sweet :), he's all "yea the kids seems cool..lost, but cool"...benefit of the doubt! Good job Evan. I thought Aurora was going to smack at Drake at first when he would answer her lol. I can only imagine what he looked like, all vampire..ish. Robbers were put the by purpose, hmm, somebody is watching them. They are going to have to sing that song by Micheal Jackson "I got a feelin' somebody's watching meeee" lol..sorry, I had to.
Alison...she has something to tell. Evidently, that little boy's spirit from the casket is still living and is trying to send her a message. But thing is, would anybody believe her? She's little for one, but which parent did she get her 'gift' from...? Hmm, that was a very interesting nightmare...
I love your metaphors!..especially this one : 'keeping his eyes on the red stained liquid that quickly drained, leaving nothing but clarity.'...beautiful!
Update soon! I can't wait!
| Nala-Nay chapter 12 . 11/11/2012
OOOO! SCAR PISSES ME OFF! GO DIE! Ugh man...I wana kill him. Poor James, we really got to see another side of him, one of a temper, but also how he deals with pain. Any parents would be in a great deal of sorrow and not knowing how to handle themselves with a loss and that especially of a child. I was hoping Vee would have smacked Casey too lol man I was waiting for it. Alison, hmm, I'm wondering if she saw who it really was in that casket...she has some form of hidden power that maybe she doesn't know she has? Maybe James and Victoria will grow closer, not in a 'nasty' way lol but in like a father/daughter kind of way seeing as she was the closest out of the kids to Drake...idk, i ramble.
Aurora and Drake...I'm glad he has somebody that is going to teach him how to handle himself and keep his emotions under control. Lol all the things even WE have heard about vampires are a controversy here huh? Lol what else is inaccurate? She said she hasn't killed someone in over 200 years...how old is she lol? I love the name Alexander! I don't know why, I just do :). A Dhampir...hmmm
Wonderful as always! Update like..tomorrow, k! lol
| Nala-Nay chapter 11 . 11/10/2012
Aww haaaw...that letter was cute! "I know girls like girly things" and blah blah blah..that killed me because I could so see him saying something like that. I like that little moment there and the small connection between Ayden and Victoria...did I mention how much I love his name? I love that name! lol. But I see these two as really good friends and they are going to need each other if Scar is going to be king...oh boy. Poor Liz, I wanted to cry with her because I can'cant imagine being a mother and losing a child let alone lose anyone from my family. That's excruciating pain! Hmm, it seems that Asaka knew Drake was alive, but now, I'm not sure if she's sure because his 'body' was found, unless she just knows that everything will turn out in the end.
Scar made me laugh! I'm sorry! "What is going on out here?" Like..dude, really? lol. I just found that hilarious. The shapeshifters...they're smart when the time calls for it lol and we get to see Elvira for a minute...and she likes..Scar? Oh no...gotta see how that's going to play out since you referred to her as a 'girl' and we know that he is maybe old enough to be her parent lol, we will have to see.
| Nala-Nay chapter 10 . 11/4/2012
Ok, I don't know why, but this chapter really made me laugh...in some places lol. YAY! JAMES IS OK! Whoo, I got scared for a minute. Ha ha Scar...plan FAIL ON YOUR LIFE! Man, Elizabeth went off lol but who could blame her? She's a wife and mother!I would have been tearing down walls and everything lol. Scar is just wrong...he needs to go somewhere. What he told Drake was just sad. I wonder what he has planned now. Get all the shape shifters...? No good can come from that. That's an interesting line that you had Scar repeat that Ayden had said in chapter 8 or 9...I found that funny too. Lol Asher made me laugh! "The chain just goes on and on..." I died! The flashback for Vee and Drake was cute, but I wonder if he would have done that if anyone else was around ;). Also, it seemed like Drake had a flashback himself, but it was of the past? Very intriguing. Poor thing going through all these changes at such a young age :(. God, I can't even imagine his pain about his teeth. Poor girl too...lol. Scar has the future I'm sensing to worry about. I wonder who's body they are going to use or what they will bring to show the castle. I think James has an inkling about Scar...that man doesn't seem stupid. Go Asaka! Gotta love doctors...well some lol. And uh, what's this little passing of smiles and touchin shoulders between Scar and Isabelle? This cannot happen lol.
This was an awesome chapter! Anxiously awaiting your next!
| incrediblectopus chapter 10 . 11/3/2012
| Nala-Nay chapter 9 . 11/2/2012
LMAO! I LOVED THE END OF THIS CHAPTER! THE WEREWOLVES ARE HILARIOUS! "What, turned green?" Ha ha, that great! This was wonderfully written chapter, but you always write so well! I felt just as scared as Drake was...shoot, feeling at the emotions as well. I was like RUN! Lol. It was nice being able to see and hear more from James and the interaction with his wife. I like the pair :). So Drake is Elizabeth's 'son' lol no wonder she knows him so well. James seems like a laid back character, that is until something troubles him, like his son gone missing! Lol, Drake seems to be running for his life lately, yes that am true lol. Asaka, she ain't scared of no big bad wolf :). Vic and her friends may need to speak up, but what good would it do now and how did Drake get outside. This 'hooded' figure, I think is evil lol and has a breath taking anger issue. Thomas, I hope they find out about him and his son, someone needs to fess up some answers...law breakers! My heart clenched when I read that James got ripped apart RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIS SON! OMG! I can't even imagine what Drake felt. I'm sad but it's good because I was able to feel the weight of the situation :). Drake's smartass comments killed me...he was so brave for a 10 year old!
Awesome awesome chapter! Pretty Please Update soon!
| Nala-Nay chapter 8 . 11/2/2012
The Dare, uh huh, perfect title. Scar is just pure evil lol how does he hae sidekicks if he calls the names and stuff? I would have been team Solo Mio lol. But I wonder what his plan is now...either way, it can't be good. Jeez, Drake and Victoria were on lockdown! No food, no water, no nothing lol. They were prison and got no visitors lol. Nick made me laugh! "I even offered to get him sick for more punishment...who says that lmao? Where was Alison and Shayna? I want to hear more from them :). The best friends complimenting one another...I see love lol even for ones so young and Drake actually admitting that he cared for Vee...that was brave because what boy do you know would be that would admit even those feelings out loud. Ooo! Bad Casey! He makes me mad :(, I think something is behind the real reason as to why he dared Drake to drink VAMPIRE BLOOD! Like, really, who does that? And he said his dad got it...hmm...what has his father been up to. Lol go Vee! I would have slapped Casey too! But yes they all could have stopped Drake, but at the same time Drake shouldn't let others pressure him as well. He may feel fine right now, but will there be results later? Ha ha! Ayden's comment about the color of the blood. And because Elizabeth is a mom and knows her son, she knows something is up.
Great chapter Scarab!