|Reviews for Blue Over Red|
| Guest chapter 7 . 11/8/2012
this storys awsome!
| NsShadowSerpent chapter 1 . 4/13/2012
"Affirmative Ms. Hotpants. Once finished get out of there and come on back to Big Daddy at base. Over." said a voice in her ear from the headset.
The girl rolled her sapphire blue eyes and ran a hand through her shoulder length blonde hair. "Quit using your stupid code names. And my pants are none of your business." She said as she looked down at the device in her hand."
I am easily amused by amusing things. I liked this small exchange here.
Uhh... something I wanted to point out about this sentence:
"Tsukasa's eyes immediately shot open and he looked around only to see the darkness of his dorm room that was filled with a small amount of light from the moon outside the window through the blinds."
Could be revised like this:
"Tsukasa's eyes immediately shot open. He looked around, only to see faint moonlight seeping through his window's blinds."
And this one:
"Before the guards could react, the blonde girl shot off a few rounds hitting them. Once they had been wounded she ran the opposite way down the hall and turned the corner just before several rounds of assault rifle bullets began flying through the air."
Could be revised like this:
"The blonde girl shot off a few rounds, wounding two of the men. Before they could retaliate, she bolted opposite from them and turned a corner, the sounds of several shots ringing into the hallway."
When you're writing sentences that seem particularly long, stop and read the sentence out loud. Do it in a single breath and see if you can read it all without taking another. If you're pausing to breathe, that's a pretty good sign that you might want to revise what you've written. Remember, it isn't about the quantity of words, but the quality of the words.
Uhh, anyway, enough with the lecturing. Thanks for reviewing Melancholy Days awhile back. I'm sorry I wasn't able to leave you a return review sooner. I hope you'll update this story again soon.
| valderois chapter 4 . 8/28/2011
Whoa...that was pretty intense. I hope Tsukasa doesn't beat himself up for this though. But I wonder if returning his memories would eventually turn him back into a monster eventually over time...
I also feel kinda proud of myself for saying the Matrix line in my head *before* reading the next paragraph!
| valderois chapter 3 . 8/24/2011
Hmm...I'm interested to finally find out about Tsukasa's true past, if apparently this guy can actually make him remember everything. And making Ai be his roommate will certainly make things strangely interesting...
It takes me forever to getting around to reviewing stories. But I'm liking where yours is going so far!
| valderois chapter 2 . 8/17/2011
Hi there! Sorry it took me so long to review your story; I was away from a computer/free Wifi for six whole days...
I liked the description you gave of Animus during that class period, and now we can tell that Ai isn't really fond of what she's doing right now. And the Film Club aspect of your chapter sounded very Haruhi-esque! You know, cuz she forms that random club that has basically nobody in it...never mind, I'm sounding weird.
Overall, great chapter! Can't wait for your next update!
| valderois chapter 1 . 8/7/2011
This is a good start...it's interesting! And I think that as long as you reveal eventually why the title you chose for this story is relevant, then it should be fine. :) I'm looking forward to more!