|Reviews for Gavin: Red Sky in the Morning: September 2029|
| SecretAgent99 chapter 1 . 10/9/2011
I really like the description of the shop and their rooms above at the beginning of the story. It makes it easy to imagine where the story is taking place and I think it's rather quaint. :) But you need to have line dividers when you do scene changes. (The part where it switches from dinner to the lighthouse.) If you don't, it makes the story confusing when you suddenly switch places after one line. Either use the line divider FictionPress offers or make one for yourself. I use ".X.X.X." in bold in my Word Docs since the FictionPress Linedivider doesn't work in Word. Other than than, I thought this was a great story. I really liked it alot and how you had it end in the chapel with Ethan. The writing was excellent I think too. :)
| x.breathe chapter 1 . 9/4/2011
The beginning of the story doesn't really draw me in. I'm not sure what you could add to make it more interesting; maybe provide more description of the shops? Sorry that I'm not much help with this, I have trouble with openings myself.
The ending was perfect, in my opinion. It showed again how skeptical Ethan was. It also made me wonder if the man that translated what Astin said would perhaps become a more important character.
I loved the breakfast scene in the lighthouse, how Ethan started to eat before they said grace. I also liked how the parents didn't say anything/make him feel embarrassed about it. It showed how kind and accepting they were.
At first, the dialogue did confuse me, because I didn't realize they were in Ireland. Now I have never been to Ireland, or met an Irish person, so I can't say how accurate the dialogue is, but from what I've seen in movies it seems right on.
The characters seemed a bit flat to me, with the exception of Ethan. It looks like this is a series though, and I haven't read any of the other stories, so maybe that's why. I do like the development of Ethan, though.
The relationships seemed perfect, nothing wrong there.
The writing was a bit awkward in some spots, for example, when they're in the shop at the beginning, the phrase "A summer melody by violins" stuck out to me. I did like the writing of the storm, where they rescued the men. It didn't feel like it was bogged down by too much description.
I didn't notice any spelling or grammar mistakes.
The plot was interesting, although I do wonder where it's going and who the main character is.
Other than that, I noticed quite a few places where you could have used a page break:
"But his behavior is not appropriate for any age," Patrick said as he smeared his napkin across his lips. "When you finish your meal, we'll drive down to Waterford."
Ethan eased out of the backseat of the silver Ford Escort and breathed in the crisp, salty air. Ahead stood the ashen lighthouse tower on a rocky ledge
"Any fire sounds like a good fire."
Stars glittered all across the open sky, but the gentle wind that stroked his cheeks implied the prelude of a storm
All in all, it was a very enjoyable read :)
| Who Is This Girl Anyway chapter 1 . 9/2/2011
I haven't yet read the rest of the "Gavin" stories, but this is rather good as a stand-alone piece. I'll try to give a better rounded review once I've read a few of the other "Gavin" stories.
The family had quite a nice atmosphere, and you did well to write so many characters well. There's also some pleasant description in here.
The only suggestion I have is that maybe you could hint at what has already been going on in the other "Gavin" stories to further interweave them. It might be nice to vary the sentence structure a bit more, too, although the prose is fairly strong.
Hope this helps.