Reviews for Twelve Stars
Dreamers-Requiem chapter 27 . 1/12
Excellent job at building the tension, especially towards the end. You really allow the reader to feel for Phoenix, and feel what she does. I do think at times you could build up things a little more, but honestly, I feel like your writing gets stronger with every chapter. Even with the secondary, minor characters, you give a strong sense of personality, and it really helps add to the overall feel of things. (Such as the drunk and barman). And great cliff-hanger at the end – like I said, the tension build up was done really well. Loving the story, great stuff.
KamrynWhoWanders chapter 86 . 12/27/2013
This story is scary and depressing and it will haunt me for the rest of my days. It made me want to scream, and it spoke of blood and darkness and it called it good and it lured me and repulsed me in equal measures. It ended in death, a tragedy, and I never read tragedies, I can't bear them.
The romance was bleak and dark and twisted, and the plot was passionate and bloody and reveled in it.
In short, it's brilliant.
I loved the eternity of Players, I loved the Stars, I loved the world Phoenix made for herself, I loved Cal, I loved Phoenix, I loved Wolf, I loved the King and his Consort, and I also despised them all and cried for them.
God DAMN.
This is definitely a story worth some thought.
I don't really have the words for the dark and aching beauty of this.
I might need to go read something light and happy and fluffy before I go to bed. Maybe the stupid parody story I gave up on after a paragraph.
(You have such a good grasp on tragedy and horror, God, you need to get published.)
Dreamers-Requiem chapter 26 . 9/24/2013
The paragraphs where you describe the gates and name them read a little awkwardly. I’d suggest going over them and seeing if there’s anything you can do to polish them a little and make them flow more smoothly. I’d also suggest going over the scenes at court; in some parts, they were just a little unclear and confusing. Maybe see where you can reword them. Other than that, as always you do a good job with the POV, and introducing us to this world. It’s interesting to see the petty court and see the way it operates. You also effectively use it to show us more of Moll’s character. Overall, really good writing, just some places where it could be stronger.
839538 chapter 6 . 6/23/2013
This chapter was amazing. The writer is incredibly atmospheric - in the initial chapters Cal's state of lucidity is captured brilliantly, as are the descriptions of the desert. The whole Cal/Phoenix thing is a bit confusing, but as we gradually learn more about them they become even better characters.
839538 chapter 2 . 6/14/2013
Very good imagery. Throughout you can sense how detached from the world Cal is. A great portrayal of a character and a good start to a story.
Dreamers-Requiem chapter 25 . 5/19/2013
As always, really nice writing style. You have some great descriptions here, and they really add to the overall atmosphere. Loving the characters, as always, and the way you just etch up the tension and mystery surrounding Phoenix. Her confusion is conveyed really well, and it’s interesting to see her vulnerable. Great stuff.
Dreamers-Requiem chapter 24 . 4/1/2013
As always, really enjoying the characters and the plot that's slowly building up. I like Mollen, but I think you could build up his emotions a bit more. At the moment, things feel like they flow just a bit too fast. Maybe slow the pace down a bit, like I've said before a bit more description, a bit more focus on emotions and reactions, could really add a lot to what is, already, a really good story,
Bard.Of.Many.Voices chapter 1 . 1/12/2013
Great begining!
Dreamers-Requiem chapter 23 . 12/30/2012
Still really loving the characters; great dialogue and exchanges between them, and I really like how you reveal parts of them bit by bit, especially with her. I have to admit, you're very good at showing rather than telling. It all works really well. I like the way Wolf seems to be constantly testing the waters with her, trying to constantly draw just a bit more information from her. Great stuff.
Dreamers-Requiem chapter 22 . 10/28/2012
As always, I really like the characters you've created. They each stand out in their own right and the interactions between them are written well. I know I've mentioned this before but I'd still like to see a bit more description; it would really help add to the world you're creating. I do think you have a good split here betwen the two seperate scenes; it remains clear and avoids jumping all over the place, great stuff.
Dreamers-Requiem chapter 21 . 7/16/2012
I think considering what happens in the chapter, it feels just about the right length. I really like the dialogue between the two, and the way that, as a reader, I feel like I'm finding out more about both of them as they're finding out more about each other. You can sense Wolf growing more fed up with her throughout this, so that works really well. The only suggestions I'd have are similar to what I've mentioned before; description and maybe see if you can change some of the sentence structures to use 'she' and 'he' less. Great stuff, as usual!
Dreamers-Requiem chapter 20 . 7/1/2012
The action scene worked well. I think you managed to keep the tension up, while keeping the events clear. I liked the use of the river, too. It really helped add to it, especially with her constant checking of her footing. Effectively shows her mindset, and her warrior attitude. It says a lot about Wolf that he was willing to pay them to get past, and similarly it said a lot about her that she would rather fight. You do a great job of showing the character's personality rather than telling, so great job with that.
aprilyap86 chapter 1 . 6/21/2012
Hi Twelve Stars,

A female heroine is really nice. I am curious with her, why did she forget about her past? Why was she exciled? I am also wondering about the phoenix. Did it disappear? This chapter is really good cause it does not only create intrigue but I am sure that the next chapter would be filled with action and adventure! I am looking forward to reading it!

April
Dreamers-Requiem chapter 19 . 6/18/2012
I really liked the interaction between Moll and Kat; I love his obliviousness to her, and the way he doesn't really understand why she soothes him. It works well to develop both characters. I can't help but feel the reason servants don't 'know their place' is because he seems to treat them as more than servants, yet he doesn't seem to grasp this, either. Again, a great way of demonstrating some aspects of his character. As usual, great stuff.
CalliScribbles chapter 75 . 6/11/2012
Battles like this make me regret missing four stars. Playing mind games in the dark is always fun.
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