|Reviews for Twelve Stars|
| CalliScribbles chapter 71 . 6/10/2012
| CalliScribbles chapter 70 . 6/9/2012
Dragon's creeping me out now. So much backstory! Time for bed now, though.
| CalliScribbles chapter 65 . 6/8/2012
The stars are very different from how I had imagined them. And it's fun to see Wolf slowly changing, becoming more and more like Phoenix.
Still reading. :)
| Dreamers-Requiem chapter 18 . 5/30/2012
Really strong ending with a good hook; I love the way the guy speaks as well, it creates a strong character straight away, even though he's only been there for two lines. I have to admit, you have great characterisation. The only thing you need to watch out for is speech tags and stuff (and that's a minor thing anyway). ["People," she hissed, "Do not just make noise with their feet."] the 'do' should be lower-case and with ["From where I'm standing," He said.] the h in 'he' should be lower-case, too. Anyway, yeah, really good stuff.
| Dreamers-Requiem chapter 17 . 5/20/2012
Really liked the description here; it works brilliantly to really draw up the scene, and it remains rooted in Moll's POV, in a way. Great to see more of him, and he's becoming a very interesting, well rounded character. His thoughts and feelings are clear without anything being overstated, and I think that's something you do really well. Overall, really, really great stuff.
| Dreamers-Requiem chapter 16 . 5/8/2012
Hmmm...I'd really like to see more description to this. At the moment, the dialogue-heavy aspect is just a little confusing at times. I had to re-read some parts of this a couple of times to get a stronger sense of what was going on, especailly when she was trying to teach him...yeah, I'm not sure what. I know she was showing that she could predict his movements, but I felt a little confused as to what, exactly, they were doing. A little more description in among the dialogue might help. Anyway, other than that, as always I am really enjoying the story, although now I do feel that things are moving a little slowly...got my fingers crossed that they may pick up soon.
| CalliScribbles chapter 63 . 4/27/2012
Augh! More lovely framing and suspense and I can't read fast enough.
"You should know, my King, that when the chase is on the body drives itself to collapse with the need to get away. Escape and survival fill the mind. In that tiny moment, thoughts have room for only the pursuit and nothing more."
Yeah, wisdom. Getting back to catching up now. :)
| CalliScribbles chapter 62 . 4/27/2012
Theories... oh, I have theories, but I'm trying to drop you a line for each chapter to show appreciation and such. Continuing on now.
| CalliScribbles chapter 61 . 4/27/2012
I owe you a mountain of comments, but the framing of these challenges is so delicious. First, the simple bones of legend, then the strange realities - strange, I expected more fighting, but I like this better when half the battles are in the mind. Think, Wolf! This is not the world that you knew!
| CalliScribbles chapter 60 . 4/27/2012
OMG, I cannot believe that it took me this long to come back to this story, especially given where I left off! (I blame school...)
Star one creepy as hell. And of course, if the Duke is telling the truth, it isn't even the worst one...
| Dreamers-Requiem chapter 15 . 4/19/2012
May have said it before, but I think you could add in just a tocuh more description of the settings around the characters, just to flesh it out a bit. I would suggest, in some places, trying to cut down on the uses of the names, too. It can sometimes get a bit repetitive. I like the relationship between Reemy and Moll, and you get a good sense of their characters through the interaction they have. Good stuff.
| Dreamers-Requiem chapter 14 . 4/2/2012
I really, really liked the way you showed the backstory. Rather than just an info-dump in the middle of the plot, you made it part of the dialogue and the way it was done fit, very well, with Phoenix's character. Now I can't wait to see how the games started. I will admit, in places I really like the sparseness of the prose but in others, it would be nice to see a bit more description of their surrounding areas. Anyway, great stuff and I'll be reading the next chapter soon as I can.
| Dreamers-Requiem chapter 13 . 3/26/2012
May have said this before but I'm glad you've brought other characters into this, before Wolf and Pheonix actually meet them. It gives the reader a good chance to see the world Wolf comes from through different eyes, and to possibly get to know more about the stars, too. I do get the impression that there is a little tension between Mollen and Wolf, especially when everyone seems to be eagerly awaiting Wolf's arrival home. [she looked up at him with concern.]I think you could drop the 'up' there, the sentence, as odd as it sounds, feels a bit crowded. [She dropped his hand, then, to wring hers worriedly.] Similar, you could drop the 'then' there. Other than that, yeah, really good chapter. Great stuff.
| Dreamers-Requiem chapter 12 . 3/7/2012
I really like the dialgoue between Phoenix and Wolf - I may have said that before, but as they are the main focus of most of this, it's an important thing to keep the dialogue interesting and fresh, and I feel you do that well. The one thing I did pick up on was the use of speech tags - dialogue, if followed by (Name/he/she said/muttered/whispered) etc. should have a comma at the end, and the 'he/she' or whatever should have a lower case. I do like how we now have Mollen and his storyline to break up the Phoenix/Wolf scenes - as much as I like them, I think the break is needed, as it gives the reader something else to focus on for a short time and it means the other scenes remain interesting. Good stuff, loving the story as always.
| beiskey chapter 1 . 2/5/2012
Wow. That was actually really good. I loved it. My only question is, what is the pheonix, or is it something that I have to imageine, or is it something that will be revieled later?