Reviews for So Long, Lonesome
daniellegypt chapter 1 . 6/11/2012
I thought your lack of dialogue was beautiful. Your descriptions were wonderful and your very last line was a perfect way to bring it to a close. I enjoyed this.
Miryo chapter 1 . 9/14/2011
Beautiful story, and perfect execution. Reading it, it had such a flow to it, so smooth and a continuous legato that just wouldn't let me so much as pause to go to the bathroom.

The repetition was also perfectly done. There's nothing to complain about here - it was such a joy to read, and it told such a bittersweet (but mostly sweet), real story. I loved every word of it.
Jinebiebe chapter 1 . 8/31/2011
Good short story. Good beginning, middle and end. Even though you don't show details of the characters through names or back story, you still get emotionally involved. Instead of using fancy words an descriptions, you tell the story through emotion. It's a very a poetic way of telling a story and I very much enjoyed it. I was confused at first by which point of view you were telling the story from.

I think since you spend most of the time in his, you should keep it in his throughout the entire story, except from one part that I will mention in a little bit. I don't want to be told how she feels about his best friend. I want to see it through his eyes. I love the part where he is the only one who sees that she's not happy with his best friend.

I do, however, understand why you switch towards the end with the last boyfriend she has and how she still doesn't feel right with him. That makes since because at that part they're apart and he can't see her and doesn't know what she's doing. I do like the Facebook bit and the ending quite a bit. You are definitely good at making the characters realistic. I enjoyed it and I think you should make a collection of stories in this style.
urtenshii chapter 1 . 8/29/2011
Hello there :) I found this story through the forum and you really do know how to make a great story from a guy's point of view. It's really great.

I liked how the story develops and how you made your characters. It was too short though, making it longer would also greatly improve the story.

Still, great job :)

Hope to read something from you someday ! :D
Devil's Playground chapter 1 . 8/28/2011
Wow, this is so beautifully written. You have a really flowing, poetic sort of language all throughout this. I'm usually not a big fan of romance stories, but your captivating language and the fact that it's a completely unconventional story was enough to pull me in and keep me hooked.

I love that he doesn't initially think that she's anything all that special. Quite a break from the cliche "love at first sight" thing, and a lot more realistic.

You also use repetition very well. I particularly liked the use of "she's a bitch" multiple times throughout this. That phrase is so blunt and harsh and really contrasts the rest of the language, so it packs a powerful punch and really shows his emotions at the time.

You did an excellent job characterizing everyone in this - and without the use of dialogue, which is very impressive. You capture the essence of the various characters in a really subtle way, and I really felt like I knew them. I also liked the contrast between the various character, especially the main guy and his best friend and how they feel about romance.

You have an excellent grasp of pacing and the flow of the story as well. That's especially awesome seeing as the story covers such a broad time-frame. I've never seen a story cover so many years in so relatively few words, and you pull it off really well. And the way the pacing slowed down to give us detailed snapshots of certain moments was really, really effective.

You never made the romance between the two of them easy or predictable, which really kept me interested. In most romance stories, I find that it's easy to assume a happy ending... but here, I wasn't so sure. And I love that the ending wasn't perfect, but it did have hope. It's a perfect ending and stays true to the spirit of the story.

Overall, love this. Really well done!
Ari Jenelle chapter 1 . 8/21/2011
This is beautiful and somewhat sad. I loved the way you took it from high school into adulthood. And the way that you had the best friend dote on every girl that he dated. I've known guys like that (hell, I've dated guys like that) and with most stories, the guy dotes on the main girl only because she's so special and he's never met a single girl that could captivate him the way she does. But with your story, all that is true, except that's not why he dotes on her. He does it because that's just the way he is in a relationship. And the main guy's POV was absolutely perfect. The way he went from thinking that she was just some cute little thing that wasn't something to write home about to practically assaulting all of the patrons on her train just to get to her years later was simply amazing. You managed to show some serious character developement all in one-shot. You're a very gifted writer. Good work.
SarcasmIsPoetry chapter 1 . 8/18/2011
BEAUTIFUL story. Sad yet ends on a hopeful note. The He and She part is kinda confusing in the middle, but maybe that's just me. Hahah. Keep up the good work! :)
MiaOhMyUh123 chapter 1 . 8/14/2011
So I loved the story. You had just the right pacing slow when they are together, fast when apart. The anonymous p.o.v. was a nice touch. My only critique is the title. It just doesn't seem to fit. Maybe because it isn't yours?
bluecharlotte chapter 1 . 8/14/2011
I absolutely love this. It's wonderful how real it is and it just made me smile. You laced in humor and romance and drama and sadness-just awesome. I've got no critique :)
FreekyDisaster18 chapter 1 . 8/14/2011
This was a fantastic read and a great distraction from your work! Nicely written, lovely way of keeping the characters anonymous but yet still finding a way for the audience to relate and see them. Excellent.