|Reviews for Untitled This has no name, suggestions are welcome|
| Cecilia A chapter 3 . 8/24/2011
Very nice. Again, work on description, it's a large chunk of dialogue right now which is a bit confusing and repetitive. Throw in motion of characters, setting details, the like. Consider how it looks in your head and put ALL of it on paper. Movement is very important.
Looking forward to the next chapter.
| Cecilia A chapter 2 . 8/24/2011
'Are you gay?' hahahaha win.
Fast. This would better be placed in chapter three or four, with more description to spread it out, and him actually having the dream during the story instead of just remembering it. Him showing his new friend his powers immediately was either foolhardy or unlikely.
I'm curious to see where this goes though; there aren't a whole lot of superpower stories out there.
| Cecilia A chapter 1 . 8/24/2011
You may be better off in the beginning not being to blatant about his powers. Showing is a much more compelling tool than telling.
The format towards the end is confusing.
I like it, there's a good deal of dimension and voice to the character, as well as a high school feel. Qualifying the cliques is a bit much, you may want to get rid of that unless it's important later.