Reviews for The Halls of Larson
AurorA-Kojima chapter 15 . 4/6/2012
Oh my god I love Wes and Will. XD I love this. And the kidnapping story... And the phone call... Good chapter. :)
Shyley3 chapter 15 . 3/27/2012
Wow great chapter! I loved the competition; I could completely picture every performance, even Annalyn's dance number(and her fake blond curls bouncing as she spun, haha). All the songs you picked were fantastic and I think its great how you incorporate songs into your story, it totally enhances the effect:)

Cupcakes!
AurorA-Kojima chapter 14 . 3/11/2012
Ahh, I really love the twins. :) And Carolyn seemed psychotic at first, but I kind of understand where she's coming from now.
AurorA-Kojima chapter 13 . 2/15/2012
THIS is a freaking amazing chapter. It had loads of twists and turns... I loved it. :)
Kendall Kelly chapter 13 . 2/15/2012
I began reading this story and thought "Wow, this is a really good story!" So, there I was copy and pasting on to Microsoft so I could email and send it to my iPod. Then I thought "Hm, I wonder how many reviews this story got? It must be over 1,000 with a story like this" Then I saw the number 13.

That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.

This story is amazing and I'm sure every other reader thought that whether they reviewed or not.

Never give up on writing. You have true talent, just like those in the York House ;)
Mr. Moustache chapter 12 . 1/18/2012
So, I hate to be impatient and what-not, but I was kind of wondering when the next chapter's going to come about. I really like this story and it'd be rather unfortunate if you stopped writing it.
Cesalie Chase chapter 2 . 1/14/2012
Well, hello! What a great first chapter... And the funny thing is, though I have no real idea where this story is headed, I don't even mind. Because the characters are all so interesting, and the concept of the halls so intriguing, that I can feel myself just sort of settling into that world. I'm excited to follow these characters around and see them in action.

On to some specifics. Obviously, I'm a big fan of the characterization, even of fringe characters. What I really like is the way you manage to capture a unique personality in so few words, which is something that's hard to pull off well. Here's an example of what I mean: "Larissa was a whiny senior girl who went to a school about an hour away from Larson Academy. She constantly expected more gifts and presents from her boyfriends, and honestly thought she was a goddess, blessing them with her presence." As a reader, I find descriptions like that to be very engaging because, rather than telling me that "they don't like her because she is demanding and conceited," it gives a vivid glimpse of her typical behavior and allows me to draw my own conclusions about her.

And I haven't even MET that character.

Which is precisely my point.

Anyway, moving on.

There's also a strong sense of history between the different characters, which gives the impression that there is definitely life off the page, if you know what I mean.

Okay. Now for some suggestions.

This one is more of a technicality, but about halfway through the chapter I got confused about who was saying what. The confusion starts right about here: ‘“I don’t like the way things happen here.” Chris laughed…’ Technically, the speaker should be kept in the same paragraph as his dialogue. Otherwise, the reader might easily associate him with the wrong side of the conversation. So in this case, ‘Chris laughed’ should precede ‘“Neither do I, sometimes”’ in the following paragraph.

One more thing. Actually, a point of confusion… It’s been brought up many, many times in this chapter that the Riley boys are all arrogant. Maybe it’s that the story has just started, but I’m just not convinced. They don’t strike me as arrogant at all, no more than anybody else in the story, and I’ve seen no indication of them being trouble-makers. A bit reserved, maybe, but not cocky or anything. Basically, I feel like I’ve “heard it said” that they are infamous and potentially crazy, but I have yet to see indications of this in their actions. What are some of the things they’ve done in the past, that have earned them their reputation? A little reminiscing, or allusions to something specific, might make their infamy more convincing.

Of course, this might be something that becomes clearer the more I read.

Other than that, a fantastic chapter. I love the personalities of the different houses; it’s so realistic, and yet it’s not something I often see explored. It’ll be very interesting to see what happens to poor Aaron in the nuthouse. And what that’ll do to the sibling dynamics.

Some snapshots of my favorite moments:

Mason’s haircut. “I didn’t know you had brown eyes, Mase.”

Ryan’s love interest. “...not that she ever really had texted him back once he found out her number.”

Awesome subtle-characterization detail: “...and the walls were all beautifully carved wood, with red velvet. Aaron knew the room must have excellent acoustics.” (Can you say, ‘Musician’?)

For once, a friendly headmaster: “Aaron could tell this was a man who loved his job...”

And, of course, that moment where you change scenes RIGHT WHEN Aaron is finding out his placement. Good move.

Well done!
Natalie Feathers chapter 9 . 10/19/2011
Oh I totally loved this chapter! The entire scene with Annalyn and Ryan in the Orchard was so sweetly romantic, and the Wright Cupcake Wars was fantastic. I also really like the shorter chapters, their much more managable when you don't have too much time to stop by and see how the Riley boys are. Overall, great chapter:)
Cesalie Chase chapter 1 . 10/12/2011
Hello! Alas, a few spare minutes have come my way... :)

I know you said that this 'prologue' isn't actually part of the story, but I thought it worth commenting on anyway. Not at great length - just to say I actually really enjoyed reading it. It doesn't have a typical, heavy-handed exposition-ish feel to it, which I found surprising and impressive. Parts of it also show tremendous maturity. (Are you really in high school?) Either you've got a lot of experience, or you're simply very well read/researched - either way, you're clearly very observant. Whatever it is you're doing, keep it up!

That was a little bit vague, I think. Here's a specific example of what I'm talking about: 'When Mr. Charles James Larson (great great grandfather of the celebrated American physicist, Dewey B. Larson, who worked on the Reciprocal System of Physical Theory) first founded the school in the late 1700s, he knew he would have to separate the students for them to find success among their peers. He created the names of the houses with thoughts still straying back to his home country, England...' I mean, I've read published authors whose writing style isn't that sophisticated. Very authoritative, and at the same time conversational. Awesome.

So, in short, your writing style has already blown me away. As far as content, I love the personalities of the four houses and am excited to watch the dynamics between them. You've set us up for some highly intriguing storylines. Hurrah! Let the fun times begin at Larson!

Oh, one more quick thing regarding chapter length. I think you're right, it may work better for you to break them up into smaller segments. Not because we'll get bored - but because a lot of us probably just won't have the time to read that much in one sitting, and it can be gruelling to have to go back and find the place where we left off. My advice would be to keep it around 3,000 words at a time; your readers will be less daunted that way and will probably be more likely to follow the story consistently (and give you feedback).

Hope this helps! Be back soon...

Cheers,

Cesalie
AurorA-Kojima chapter 6 . 10/11/2011
Aha, now I can put it on alert. :)
Conman chapter 1 . 10/5/2011
I quite like the intro page. Good spelling and grammar, and good use of dramatic fragments, for example...

"I guess it's a nice place. On the outside."

Anyway, it was a nice descriptive piece
iceclan67yay chapter 4 . 9/7/2011
Oh god, it won't let me log in. -.- Could you shoot me a message when you update? My penname is iceclan67yay.

I hate it when completely amazing stories like this get ignored. Like mine. Just kidding. I'm not that conceited.

Ahem, anyway, I love the characters. Especially Logan, Wes, and Will. The chapters are long, which is always good. :)
Amira H chapter 3 . 8/27/2011
Wow, very action packed chapter but it was great as I've come to expect. Loads of things happening simultaneously with each of the Rileys, I'm looking forward to seeing where you take this!
Rita chapter 1 . 8/18/2011
I see what you are doing here, and I must say I do enjoy where this is going. But KEEP WRITING BECAUSE I ACTUALLY WANT TO KNOW WHAT THESE CHARACTERS ARE NAMED. That is all.
Natalie Feathers chapter 1 . 8/18/2011
Hey JP Lacey,

I think this is a very creative beginning for a story by the way;) I appreciate the way you took the time to explain the main idea and description of Larson, which will probably save a lot of time later on in the story.

A

I really can't wait to read the rest of this story.
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