Reviews for You Don't Always Get What You Want
asianwallflower chapter 21 . 1/8/2013
i love the song
Indicates chapter 1 . 3/14/2012
[I stepped up to the building and froze at the sight before me. It was just a guy. I could tell that he was new and that he would never want to talk to me, which didn't bother me]

So she knows everybody in the whole school? This is a bit of a stretch, and it stands out more than her also knowing the guy wouldn't awnt to talk to her.

[He had narrow green eyes that made me think that the gods just dropped a couple emeralds in to keep them safe.]

Flowery prose. Gems/orbs/ are seriously overdone and cliche. Try to use another image, or just describe his eyes as green.

[ I really didn't think I was his type, but he seemed very interested in me. I didn't know why. I was just wearing my usual long flowing skirt, olive green, and a short sleeve peasant top, black.]

While the descriptions aren't just dumped out in a paragraph outside of the narrative, this is still an awkward way of describing her appearance. Its also kinda stupid that the character thinks this way, that she says 'oh what could it possibly be that he finds in me? Is it my overlong descriptions of clothing?' See, that doesn't really flow very well.

[ I wasn't anything special.]

Try to come up with more character quirks rather than her just being Normal with a capital N.

[He let his hand fall to his side, "You aren't very social, are you?"]

Well, she did introduce herself and answer his question. I don't see how those two things made him think that way.

[He nodded and looked me over again, "That surprises me. You are just too beautiful to not be noticed."]

Not very sutble, are we, Izzy?

["My parents are well off. I'm a spoiled rich kid," he smiled again, his eyes bright and mesmerizing, "I usually get what I want."]

I dunno, the last comment really sounded suggestive.

["You're spoiled, but you dress all dark and depressed. They don't give you the attention and love you deserve."]

Of course. I wonder if anything different and original will come from this because this thing about teenagers has also been done to death. As is the below comment:

[I pulled away from him and sighed, "I'm really not the type of girl that you want to be around. I'm a freak," I pulled the door open, "It was nice to feel like a person, though," ]

This statement doesn't make sense because she really liks to mention how normal she is and how she has nothing of value or significance, yet she's still special in her own way and gets the attention of this creepy guy. Its a little tiresome to read, especially if the characters don't do anything interseting with the sterotypes. Try to work with them, unless this was the intention. Good luck with your writing!
aspiringauthor95 chapter 87 . 2/25/2012
Okay, so that chapter was really really cute! They make an awesome couple. And after all the action and drama it was really nice to see those two bonding like that. You really seem to be the only author updating on a regular basis. And the alert always seems to come when I need a distraction. So thanks do much for your dedication to this story. :)
Kavyle chapter 23 . 2/15/2012
**Poor Brie already has to deal with Mars, and I can't imagine that Cam's mom would want to take Izzy in, since he's a guy and all...
Kavyle chapter 23 . 2/15/2012
Holy crap. Where is he going to live? Poor Brie is already
Kavyle chapter 22 . 2/15/2012
Mmm, sorry, but this bugs me:

He shook his head, "You're expression," he took a deep breath, "You thought I was being serious!"

**Your expression

Although, I think that's the first time you've done that, so I'll assume it's a typo. lol
Kavyle chapter 21 . 2/15/2012
If you ever make this a selling novel, I think you should put this somewhere in the back as extra reading, rather than its own chapter, you know? Not because it's bad, but because it kind of interrupts the story and lyrics aren't really fun to read without the music to go with it.

... is this an insight into Mars, or did one of the other band members come up with it?
Kavyle chapter 20 . 2/15/2012
Clever naming, there...
Kavyle chapter 19 . 2/15/2012
This chapter confused me for a second. I misunderstood the first paragraph and thought that Fred was going to the Crypt, too, so I was a bit surprised when Cam told her she couldn't come. But now I understand, haha!

Now to find out what fate awaits them at this mysterious teen bar...
Naomi Chick chapter 1 . 2/9/2012
I really like the way the story started. It give a different perceptive with the characters introduced. Great job.
Kavyle chapter 9 . 2/8/2012
"He loved me over before he allowed himself to speak."

"He loved me over"

o.o I never realized that Mars was so affectionate...
aspiringauthor95 chapter 81 . 2/8/2012
Ooh. Interesting that he showed up! Hope they can catch him before he upsets brennin! Update please!
Le Rien chapter 78 . 2/3/2012
OH MY GOD. I found out this story a few days ago and I just fell for it. I'm just wishing I had this idea before, it's pure genius.

Some elements in the content reminds me one of my story (it's in french and not on the site, but I'm working really hard to translate it and I've finished the first chapter!). Anyway, your story is simply perfect, I love the characters, they're so... lovable!

'Look forward to reading the next chapter!
aspiringauthor95 chapter 72 . 1/21/2012
SAY WHAT! Ooh that's a good twist...who knew he actually liked her? Great chapter. Great read. Hope to read more:D
nicole1314 chapter 70 . 1/15/2012
I finally read all the chapters after finding this only a couple days ago. It's amazing and I'm surprised you are still writing. But don't stop. It's very good. I'll keep reading if you keep writing! :{D
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