|Reviews for You Don't Always Get What You Want|
| Pheonix123 chapter 15 . 9/12/2011
I really like your characters and the variation between them and I think the eye thing is quite cool but I think that they were WAY to accepting of it, they should have had denial issues... even Mars despite his Fuck everything attitude. As for stating that he does not care what people think... well he really does, he cares that people see him as different and thats why he vandalized his face, if he truly didn't care, he would go about his business and do what he feels like doing, but acting like a freak shows that he wants to be seen as someone who has a problem with authority
does that make sense? If so then great, if not... well then obiously I'm as mad as mars... hmmm, I like how you eased into the characters pasts and show that they have reasons for being the way they are, and I do hope that in the end Mars will accept himself and learn to let others in...
| the bitch in black chapter 4 . 9/12/2011
Ok so I just finished chaper four and I am interested.
Mars sounds incredibly sexy to tell you the truth and Izzy, well to be frank I think fell for cam way to fast... as for the eye flashing/glowing... if this is another vampire/werewolf story I'm going to get hacked as I have read way to amny bad tales on the starcrossed love a a teen vampire.
I'm going to keep reading and when I'm done you shal have the honour of receiving a proper review
| AncientWriting chapter 14 . 9/9/2011
I love this Story please continue !
| A Fighting Dreamer chapter 9 . 8/29/2011
Seemed a little cliche and awkward at times, but overall its pretty good and has potential :) keep working at it
| Kavyle chapter 6 . 8/23/2011
I'm just curious: why do all your main characters have bitches for mothers?
| Kavyle chapter 5 . 8/23/2011
Hey, I read on your bio (and in the summary) that you'd like some help with writing, and this was the first story I saw of yours. I'm sorry that the first one I saw was a rough draft, but that's what caught my attention. (Or, rather, it got a song stuck in my head.)
Okay, so I'll put negative things first so that the positive ones come as a relief:
Some of your characters are a little difficult to relate to. I can see that you're building upon your character base to try to get a better range of the readers to relate, but it seems you're making them all revolve around Cam.
On the subject of Cam, I find it hard to believe that she doesn't have more friends than just Mars. She's obviously really pretty, which, in my experience, tends to make more people (especially boys) try to associate with people like her. Also, you stated in this chapter that she's "sweet" and "soft-spoken." Again, that should make more people want to be her friend. I see that you made her mother the principal to explain this. It makes sense for most people to be scared off by that, but even the least popular people have at least three friends.
And now to her friend, Marshall, or, "Mars". He comes off as this very scary, big, punk guy with nothing about him but tattoos and anger at how unfair society is. Then he claims not to care about how other people see him, which is actually very false, if you ask me. No, he might not be looking for positive attention, but his overall attitude and look just say "I want to be different."
Isaac, nicknamed "Izzy". He doesn't even know Cam, but he's already drooling over her. I want to think that perhaps he really is as bad as Mars thinks, or that he just falls in love fast. But so far I can't tell. This is a very small assessment of him compared to the other characters because I can't really find many things about him. Period.
Sabrina: She really just dumps out all information onto passing strangers, doesn't she?
"He gave me a weary look, but eventually sauntered over to me." Do you mean "a wary look"? Weary is more like "tired," while "wary" seems to go more with the following paragraph, in that it means something along the lines of "unsure".
POSITIVE POSITIVE YAYYYYYYY:
I really enjoy the pattern going on with the end of each chapter. The ellipses really add a sort of... continuity to each chapter, sort of like a "To be continued..." message at the end of serialized comics and television shows.
At first, I just assumed that the "new spoiled rich kid" was just an everyday vampire or werewolf or even demon, but the little twist of the chapter before this definitely improved the originality of the story so far. I imagine that you are a very talented story developer with lots of ideas for the plot, and I look forward to reading the rest of your story at the fastest pace I can.
Cam affects each and every character, just as you would expect of a main character. And since she is the main character (or, at least, that's the impression I'm getting), she should be in for a lot of surprises and character development. I love the independent attitude she has, just bossing around Mars like it's no big deal.
And Mars is also a lot better than I first thought. Not only does he have a softer side, you've written it in a way that's not mushygushylovehatelove. He also isn't completely bipolar in his actions-none of your characters are. Mars's Big Brother persona is really kind of cute, and mostly makes up for his F the World appearance.
If written well, Izzy has a lot of potential as a great love interest/leading man/second leading man. Also, he could even be a source of conflict, maybe an antagonist. Although, he also makes a pretty good good-guy with a weird secret.
Your minor/supporting characters do what they're supposed to: Inform the readers and move the plot along.
Oh, and as I stated in the anonymous review in the first chapter: It's really hard to get readers when you type in ALL CAPS in the summary.
Onto the next chapter I go...
| Guest chapter 1 . 8/20/2011
The summary is eyecatching, but not in the way you seem to want it to be...
Maybe you should lose the ALL CAPS and the COMMENT message. It would be more helpful to ask for constructive criticism.