Reviews for Breath
hollyblue2 chapter 23 . 7/14/2012
Really beautiful...

although, drug (both times you used it) should be dragged
Lee's ghost re-born chapter 23 . 7/13/2012
This piece has as much strength as the character in it; its really shaping into something tragically beautiful. Glad to see your muse has returned. Keep it up! One minor thing: I drug myself out of bed sounds a tad bit clunky.
I am totally caught up in this story and I am always excited when I see a new chapter. Keep going, hun. :)
Lee's ghost re-born chapter 21 . 2/3/2012
Oh and I just know something bad will happen now. :P

Great flow, good storytelling, keep it up.
Lee's ghost re-born chapter 20 . 1/31/2012
Keep up the good work!
peppermint latte chapter 19 . 1/12/2012
aaaamazical
Lee's ghost re-born chapter 19 . 1/11/2012
Glad to see you continuing this. Your best and most thought provoking work, in my eyes. Waiting for the next chapter. The hopeless romantic in me would like to see the return of Mister Darrel, but your stories seem to push into those dark places of humanity and leave us there, so maybe that's doubtful. :P

Keep it up, kiddo.

This piece has beautiful flow and a very good story to it. Only a little more honing of words and the choice of a consistent tense is needed, I think.

Hope to see this in print one day, in one form or another. Such raw talent you have.
peppermint latte chapter 18 . 11/17/2011
incredibly heartbreaking,

but we can't expect a variation in beauty
hollyblue2 chapter 18 . 11/16/2011
Aww... That was really good :)
hollyblue2 chapter 17 . 11/16/2011
:(
hollyblue2 chapter 16 . 11/16/2011
:')
peppermint latte chapter 15 . 10/6/2011
so fucking beautiful
Lee's ghost re-born chapter 13 . 9/2/2011
I feel unless the Emo kid and the others further her character development in some way you could tuck the details of the friends into another poem.

Hope these reviews are helpful and aren't just big rambles. :P
Lee's ghost re-born chapter 12 . 9/2/2011
Personally, I think your jump in this poem is just a bit too far, in the last poem she was just beginning to open up and then BOOM they are dating, it just seems quite sudden ya know? I would like to know the girl’s feelings when he asks her out.

I’m going to have to disagree with one reviewer’s characterization of her being a “perfect doll shattering slowly,” on the contrary, I think she is a young socially awkward girl who was made even more so the horrors of the abuse she endured. I would like to see a window into what she’s thinking and feeling when she realizes someone can care about her, not only that, it is in fact someone she cares about.

For some reason I really like the contrast between the mother’s and girl’s relationships. The mother is off having threesomes ect while the girl is just happy to hold his hand and is nervous about kissing, it shows that despite the toxic household she grew up in she’s capable of a healthy relationship and she still retains some innocence. (The hopeless romantic in me is like “Yay!) :P

I really like your exit about liking high school.

Can’t wait for the next one.
peppermint latte chapter 13 . 9/2/2011
I'm absolutely in love with this.

I can't say much more than that.
Lee's ghost re-born chapter 11 . 9/1/2011
I don't really have any criticisms to offer here, which a good thing. :) Although the switch from tenses from poem 10 to 11 is bit confusing.

Keep it up!

If want any more detail let me know. :)

Good luck kiddo!
21 | Page 1 2 Next »