|Reviews for Baby It's Cold Outside|
| xemeraldeyesx chapter 1 . 8/26/2011
I like it, though I agree with what said. Reading all that dialogue made it feel kind of rushed. Also I totally thought it was in like the 1920's until you mentioned michael buble... but maybe that's just me :P
| non.graceful chapter 1 . 8/26/2011
There's a few... Over sized pieces within this jigsaw puzzle... Lol.
Okay, you say that this guy never dated but then when you describe him, he sounds like a 'player'. I think you should at least mention that he was shy at first, yet cute and as the relationship progressed, he started to get comfortable.
Your pace moves awfully too fast. You have great writing abilities, though you don't seem to catch the raw emotion that is occurring in the moment. Use similies, metaphors, connotation and personification to enhance the emotion within the atmosphere. We, your audience need to be able to feel the emotion in order to be satisfied. Simple one word sentences can also make us feel the emotion. Example: Warm. Safe. Beneath his skin, I felt warm and safe. Within this sentence, you can tell that the character feels something for the other.
You should make up a few more scenes where the guy tries to keep the girl inside of the room with him because it's cold outside. Example: a cafe, a library, etc.
That's my review.
Keep on writing,