|Reviews for The Acquaintance|
| IxAMxME chapter 1 . 1/18/2012
NICE! Your style of writing has a casual and laid-back flow, and has a realistic scenario. Though, I couldn't exactly feel the "tension" between Sal and " Sweater"; it was also a bit confusing concerning the introduction of Ms. Gray Sweater. You said "that same girl," which lead me to think she had been hinted at in the previous paragraphs, though after the phrase, you seem to reveal that Sal had seen the girl prior to the gathering, around the school campus; though, I would suggest to re-edit that line. Also, near the ending,when they shake hands, I understand the concept that both their hands were clammy and shaky, though I think it would have a better flow if you rephrased it where the tone seems to be more in his viewpoint; it sounded like it was the girl's viewpoint at that phrase. Other than those few minor things, your story was overall good. Keep up the good writing! :)
PS-It seems a bit demeaning that the other girl whom Sal ended up dancing with was depicted as just a "fat girl" who he "had to settle with." Just because she's 'taba' doesn't mean she's less than other girls. I'm just saying my opinion. I understand that lots of guys' type of girl would be far from that physical stature, but you could've described her in a more subtle vocabulary. We all have freedom of speech here, so if that's your opinion, it's understandable.(However, I understand Filipinos' opinions on looks, so it's typical.)
Btw is this based on a true story? Seems a bit like it :)
| Hannah Leah Marie Puzon chapter 1 . 9/10/2011
Hi! Thanks for reviewing my story! I received your review...
I like this story. I chuckled when i read the 'Ateneo de Manila'.
I'm from Philippines, too!
Though, as a young student from Rogationist College, I lack some experience unlike professional writers...
You did a good job...keep on writing!
| Uncle Rupert chapter 1 . 9/10/2011
This is good. I am no good at grammar or spelling so i am zero help there. As i am trying these days to leave helpful reviews not just 'i liked it' heres what i think.
the story is good, no questions there but i feel if anything it's lacking some emotion. take exmaple the bit about making small talk with the teacher. maybe the whole talking to them makes him uncomfortable, annoyed or edgey or even he enjoyed talking to the teacher. it lets the reader know where he stands with said teacher or who ever else in the story. you have it in there but it falls a little flat to me but thats being nit picky. overall though this is a well rounded one shot. good job :)
| Kuro-Ana chapter 1 . 9/8/2011
Wow! Well, that's the first thing that came to mind. But, I like this a lot- your writing is extremely eloquent. (laughs to self) I can't get enough of the word eloquent, it's my goal in life.
Overall, I enjoyed this story! It made me smile, it was- well, not quite cute, but something a little more mature than cute. Urgh, excuse my lack of vocabulary at the moment. I really should look for a dictionary to read.. Anyway, I will most likely read another of your stories in the future!