Reviews for Gavin: Ethan and Abby Go to School: September 2027
drazer434 chapter 1 . 8/29/2011
~From the review game.

I liked the way you managed to capture the personality of the characters very quickly through their actions and words. I really got the sense of Gavin's simple "little pleasures" type of personality and I think that made a good contrast with the anger that Ethan feels. I'm not quite sure if these should be read in order or out of order though, which does make it a bit confusing just jumping into this story because it seems like there is a back story I should know to understand it better.

I think you captured rural Ireland authentically, although I think everything would've changed by 2027. It seems like quite an old-fashioned existence they have, and because you don't expect that given a date you mess with the reader's expectations which can be a successful technique.

One thing I wasn't sure about was the dialogue. In place it seemed a bit wooden, especially with some of the given Gavin says. It is like he's explaining his actions through his dialogue which doesn't seem very natural. For example:

["You know, I would appreciate your help in harvesting some of these,"..."But there is only one ladder on the property, and you'll need one. So I am going to ask you to start checking water."]

The "there is only one ladder on the property" line seems like an aside that you might explain as the narrator rather than something the character would say. Same for "So I am going to ask you..." That is not something I would have thought you would hear say in natural conversation. But apart from that I enjoyed it.

Hope this helped.