|Reviews for The Legend of the Lone Wolf|
| DutchAver chapter 1 . 4/20/2012
What I think I'm going to do, as your review buddy, is read all your stories from this one to the story you've posted most recently. I'll skip the one on hiatus, though, unless you really want me to :) So I'll get to the story you're working on now, but first, I'll finish these ones. Let's go!
The summary certainly isn't crap, it's a good one, albeit a little long - but I'll admit that 140 characters is too short to write a summary in. (I had such troubles writing the summary for I Never...)
Funnily enough, in a story that I've written but hasn't been posted yet because I'm waiting for my Beta, I have a Matthias too - who died before the story started, kind of like this Matthias. Coincidence, huh?
One thing - the brothers(are they German?) greet each other with 'Happy Weihnachten'. I'm Dutch, but I speak German moderately well, and it's kind of odd to see such a German-English hybrid sentence. Shouldn't you let them say 'Fröhliches Weihnachten' or just 'Happy Christmas'?
Since it takes place in 1941, I guess the war is already in full swing and, judging by your summary, we are going to see a lot of said war too. It's going to be good, finding out how exactly you incorporated the war into your story.
This strongly intrigues me and I'm very happy to read more in the future. I don't often read historical fics on FP, so I'm certainly going to read this one. It's definitely going on Alert
| Rose chapter 1 . 9/5/2011
I dont mind the third pov, I havnt read it before. So it was interesting to read about. I suppose I have to see where it goes.
I didnt notice any grammar errors, the description was good. The time periods were clear.
| Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu chapter 1 . 8/31/2011
Okay this is the only review I can do for the day because I've got work tomorrow and I need to sleep. Anyway I'll have to say that this rewrite is far better than the original one. Granted I only remembered the first chapter, but nonetheless I do remember the general picture. By doing the comparisons, I can say that the backdrop here would be so much realistic since the timing of the ear together with the background here was far more compatible with the World War 2 Germany. If I remember correctly, Hitler ended up going warpath mode against Soviet Union during the latter years of the war. Of course I did heard some stuff about Hitler respecting the British and attempting to sway them to his side. Apparently though, playing a two major frontal war in this instance has screwed the Germans beyond recognition. Hitler placed the wrong bets on the Brits if there's anything to go by from my previous statement on the Hitler-British issue. -.-
Anyway I do think that this chapter has yet to kicked the plot into motion. Rather it served to do the characters intro more than anything else. I do think that the intro format was a real masterstroke. This isn't something that a generic writer can do because there's this very real stigma of a major cock up somewhere down the line. In a very real sense, this pattern of sequence really reminds me how Chen Mou actually kick started The Ravages of Time comic. But then again, I'm still cursing the fact that I've got to know this kickass Chinese comic way too late. Forty plus volumes now. Cannot catch up for good. But still the plot stuck at Guandu. -.-
Okay I'm digressing here. On the imagery, you did a very good job here. In fact you've done pretty well in creating a subtle show of Sven where in fact his own emotions ended up having the readers experiencing the whole family tragedy he might have seen with his own eyes. If there's anything I can suggest here, it would be trying to create a stronger show of his emotions. I think like maybe trying to create a more outspoken version where everything could still be portrayed without making an over the top show out of the whole thing. I could have tried to suggest some examples, but as gawd would have it, my focus is starting to spiral downwards halfway through this review. x.x
Anyway I'll try my best for the second part. Okay basically you did pretty much of a decent job in Sven's first person. But my major gripe here would be the fact that you focus way too much on the wordings both dialogue and otherwise. Simply put I feel that you could have done more on the imagery department on the characters' emotions. Maybe trying to do more on the body language as well here since most of the expression stuff I've seen here are that of sheer facial and verbal reactions.
Anyway, it's pretty much interesting to see that you started off the gears via the main characters' brother doing the whole POV thing. Again this is something that not any Tom, Dick or Harry can pull out of their ass. Apart from that, nothing much to say. I know this is a big ass review, but then again I hope you find the quality worthy of the length. Apparently going long time MIA in reviewing constantly has given me a severe bomb of trauma whenever I tried to dwell on the one damn thing called quality. -.-
| thenutrunningthenuthouse chapter 1 . 8/30/2011
OMG IT'S MY FAVORITE LUFTWAFFE STORY!
OMG Sven's old! Aww! I was gonna say that Matthias would be one of those grumpy old people so it being Sven would make soo much more sense!
Hahaha aww Matthias the Little Bastard's birthday is Christmas Eve! The irony. I bet he hates that. And that little scene where you describe how the fighters are all playing in the snow then will return to fighting, I was thinking the same thing and I love that analogy.
Scholz...is he in the closet wearing a feminine coat or it it just Sven? hahah, with his taunting of Matthias, I could see that. Already, that coat and his jabs are making him funny. Keep Scholz.
["Why does he get happy birthday?" Scholz's pipe almost fell out of his mouth in horror. "I never got it when it was mine."] - LOL I LOVE SCHOLZ.
As for the narration, I prefer third person so we can get into the heads of everyone...particularly Matthias seeing as it is his legend. But hey, I love Sven and I'm perfectly cool with his narration. Hehe, I hate to say it, but I don't remember the old version that well. I hope you keep the scene where you show Matthias years later and it's revealed one of his secret identities.
Oh and before I forget I originally liked the named Sven back in 4th grade. We read a book with a kid named Sweyn and I liked the sound of it. When I came here and read your story, it was remind ed of that old name but I liked Sven better so I used it. Sooo, it was partially your Sven who inspired my Sven's name. :)