|Reviews for Caught RedHanded|
| A. Gray chapter 1 . 9/19/2011
Thanks for the review!
Right away you hook the reader by discribing how much blood there is and he doesn't remember how it got there. Then you catapult us back in time and walk us through a mundane morning. I love that while this man's morning is mondane you keep reminding us that now it is anything but mundane. The ending was powerful with him not wanting to remember now that he has. Well done!
| Stephanie M. Moore chapter 1 . 9/8/2011
I really like this. Very much.
I think your organization and pacing is brilliant, the way your main character is slowly working things out (because we are, too.) So, I think you used that technique of jumping between past and present really well and very effectively.
And the ending is so tragic. Because it's not a crazed murderer... it's an accident, really something that could happen to any of us. And the ending ties back to the first sentence very well figuratively.
Yeah, very chilling. And very good, especially considering the way you accomplished all of that in such a short piece.
Awesome work and best of luck!
| Dragon made me do it chapter 1 . 9/6/2011
I like the way you start out with a lot of mystery and then it is suddenly explained in one big bang at the end.
You have said a lot with few words and so kudos to you!
There are a few changes of tense in here, some of them are justified by the perspective of thinking back on the situation at the same time as reacting to the present (which incidentally is quite cleverly done), but some of them might need checking.
Well done, and good luck!
| Dr. Self Destruct chapter 1 . 9/6/2011
I like how you opened this with blood on the main character's hands, and how you slip into the past during the prose. It gives everything a very disconnected feeling, like we're the ones experiencing all his confusion and doubt.
I thought the repeating of the bloody hands throughout the piece was very powerful, and how he slowly pieces everything together. It's a shame that something so terrible should happen to him when he only wants to head to his mother's house and help her out - but I guess it goes to show how callous life can be.
From what I can gather from the ending, I'm guessing there was some type of car accident. I like how you include little hints here and there, like the jarring impact and how he slammed on the breaks.
And then, at the end, it looks like he hit a little boy. Very sad. :(
| Ezekiel Finch chapter 1 . 9/6/2011
First, I really love how you made this alternating form between past and present. It gives us this disorientation, this confusion, this feeling like we are watching two different TV screens with the same channel. It pushes the reader away, leaves us watching the action, and deprives us of any power we thought we had while reading.
I felt that the imagery between the man's mother being a rock and her wilting had a certain disconnect for us. When a sentence shares a paragraph with another sentence, we expect them to be connected in style, in voice, and certainly in plot. The movement over from the rock image to the flower really felt strange. I think if you extended the metaphor, such as saying how his mother eroded in time, it would really keep that continuity and build on that strength.
The way you described the impact was the most terrifying thing you could have done. You didn't go over the top and say, "the car shook madly as he hit something and he felt the vibrations wrack his entire form." You were very subtle and very quiet. The scary thing is not that he hit someone, but that he almost ignored the fact he hit someone. There's a stark portrayal of his inner self as someone who is apathetic to the humans around him, and that's terrifying.
Finally, I have to commend you for the "blood on his hands" image. After reading through the entire piece, I began to wonder, "what if he did not touch the boy?" What if he was imagining the blood on his hands? What if he was realizing that he killed the boy and he kept on going? Although the text implies he did go over to the boy, in a futile attempt to help him, there is some ambiguity as to what the man did. Was the blood on his hands real? Maybe. Is he going crazy? Quite possibly. So what is going on with him? No one can say for sure.
I wish you luck in the WCC!
| rgarner31 chapter 1 . 9/5/2011
hmm im a big fan of that second line, especially the part, "and he couldnt for the life of him remember why,", just LOVE IT :)
So i like the contrast that i find here: Heres a guy whose trying to be a good son to his mother who has recently been widowed, trying to ease her burden and be a good person, and he ends up accidentally killing a young boy. The contrast, or irony if you will, that i find here is that usually you think of a slutty teenage girl paying more attention to applying her mascara than she does the road, or some bad person causing a hit n run, whereas here its a perfectly innocent guy who happens to hurt someone.
The ending sentence is really good as well! I like the tie in with the prompt there and in the beginning. Overall good job and good luck in the WCC!