|Reviews for Because of Our Darkness|
| Lolitroy chapter 3 . 11/20/2012
Wow. Wow. Wow. This is getting good. Really good. O.O
Oh I love your chapter names haha
| Lolitroy chapter 1 . 11/20/2012
Niiiice. O.O But what Miss/Mister Beta said is true. Your second paragraph makes people go . so lazyyyyy or maybe me since I get lazy with bi paragraphs .
| random fan chapter 28 . 10/30/2012
How could you not like this. Wwwwhhhhhhyyyyyyyy?
No! I need more!
| RANDOM FAN chapter 11 . 10/26/2012
My eyes are so watery becuase it was so intence.
| RANDOM FAN chapter 9 . 10/26/2012
wow i started at chapter 1 today look at me. This is wondreful i love it. i have 1 qustion WHY ISNT THIS PUBLISHED?
| Mieu-san chapter 1 . 9/8/2012
Chapter One editing advice:
First of all, betaing with fp format is a royal pain in one's hindparts. Keep this in mind. If you really want help editing, I advise you to send it to folks as a word document. But I shall take pity on you and send you a review.
Well, that and cuz it's interesting. It deserves a review.
Your summary isn't bad and the intro chapter is full of interesting hooks. But! You screwed up pretty badly in the beginning. This helps explain why your readership is fairly low-that one early screw up dissuades people from giving your story a fair chance. And here it is: paragraph 2.
Problem #1: It's very, very long. While it's not the opening paragraph (a long opening paragraph is story suicide unless it's got enough dialogue and/or humor to make the audience not care), it's close enough that brevity is vital.
Even outside of the first few paragraphs, try to avoid longer paragraphs wherever you can. With fp format, it's really hard to follow something that is both super long and super wide. Think about it. Novels' pages are about half the size of fp's. And even with textbooks, the words get broken into wee columns. Help your readers out by adjusting for fp's format. Break your paragraphs up.
Problem #2: It's a plot summary. A PLOT SUMMARY, NOTHING. Never. Ever. Put a plot summary. ANYWHERE. But in your story summary. Seriously, don't ever do that. Everything you just TOLD me I could have learned by continuing to read your story. You could have shown me, focused on drawing me into the story and making me empathize with Tayla. The only thing you need to let us know is that her parents are dead-I encourage you to not mention anything about how. Drag it out. Provide suspense. I know you know how to do this, because as soon as dear Tayla starts hearing voices there's plenty of suspense and the whole story becomes charmingly interesting.
The rest of it is pretty good. Which is all you'll be getting out of me in fp format. Cuz it's a pain.
Hope this helps a bit!
| Ditto123 chapter 28 . 1/12/2012
Wow, that had to happen. But she won't die this time right? Oh and if Alexander did murder his ex and he stabbed Tayla with a stick, then wow. Just wow. Good chapter, but short. :D:
| PrettyWordFreak chapter 28 . 1/12/2012
So Tayla picked Jake? Good choice. :3 I didn't trust Alexander with her anyways. Though, now she might die. At least she knew she didn't love Alexander, she loved Jake.
| Ditto123 chapter 27 . 1/11/2012
Wow. Just wow. Hmmm, I'm starting to like Kai more. And Jake as a second option. But Alexander? He's changed. A LOT! From the beginning of the story, I mean.
| PrettyWordFreak chapter 26 . 1/8/2012
Aww. Poor Jake. Wow. Tayla has a lot of problems. Alexander, then Jake, then Kai... Which will she choose? I can't wait for the next update!
| Ditto123 chapter 24 . 1/3/2012
Wow, that was all a dream. Awkward. Well continue on with the amazing story!
| Darkfairy102 chapter 6 . 1/2/2012
Great story thus far!
| Ditto123 chapter 23 . 12/28/2011
Is her ex? I bet it is.
| Ditto123 chapter 22 . 12/20/2011
Really? She has to die, AGAIN!
| Ditto123 chapter 21 . 12/18/2011
I like that name, Zavier. And hey, I have talks like that with myself in my head, too! :D