Reviews for Emptiness
ACleverPenName chapter 33 . 10/10/2013
I absolutely positively LOVE this story!Please keep updating!
Jason Bloom chapter 6 . 9/18/2013
This is a wonderfully formed idea, with several fundamental problems.
1) grammar. I've honestly seen better grammar from fifth-graders, and laziness is no excuse. If you're too lazy to proofread, GET A BETA!
2) conversation structure. Multiple times I have read over a conversation and still couldn't figure out what you were trying to say.
Keep writing, (please use better grammar, if you don't edit, I will, and I will then find some way to get it to you) and keep the story alive. It feels just a little stagnant.
ACleverPenName chapter 22 . 9/17/2013
I absolutely love this story!The characters are so unique and I love how you keep changing the POV's..Keep writing/typing..This story is one of my absolute favorites!
BrownEyedCutie99 chapter 32 . 9/12/2013
No! Bad move! Riske T is not to be played with! He/she is evil! I liked everything in this chapter! How Risk had that talk with Astrid, how Granite got the ball of friendship rolling and how the newly united friends decided to take action. Keep up the good work!
Cookie Seller On The Dark Side chapter 12 . 9/11/2013
Really good so far! Great job!
You say No chapter 32 . 9/10/2013
Really!? Then we all forgive you, Happy Birthday Emptiness!
I mean that grammar wasn't that bad, just confused me at certain parts.
I really love Riske T. Rose, what does the T. stand for? He's/she's very excellent and I hope he/she makes more appearances, who knows hopefully Red will turn gay(what is wrong with me), but then again my friend loves anything gay so I can recommend this story to her :D
What will Astrid do after finding everything out? -insert squeal here- I could actually imagine everything happening except in anime form which she'd be the extremely adorable "Ice-Baby". I just the the cold characters the best!
Then when she came out with what I'd consider a cute outfit and her hair actually out of her face! I thought people, everybody, would assume that Astrid liked Leon with what happened but maybe they just think she walked out because of all the food?
I don't know I think Leon's Drama Queen Scene was a bit anticlimactic, even when I consider that it's plausible, but if his heart breaks I don't think he should blow it off for his friends opinions, I know sounds ridiculous but you wouldn't brush it off like that if it were me; I'd be like "Hey I have a right to be and asshole and I want to be an asshole, STFU!" then I'd sort of feel bad afterwards when I'm alone...
Also I don't understand why there had to be a rift between the boys and the girls in the group because Frankie should just have been mad at Leon not Jiro, Keir, nor Red.
And THANK YOU! I hope you're portray your feeling about Romeo and Juliet through Leon cause, GAWD I HATE Romeo and Juliet cause seriously it's all wrong and useless! I understand the age gap cause that's how it was back then, but I hate the love, the death, and the fucking(feel free to censor this cause there's) bitchy love at first sight! what the hell! Ive seen and read many things based off of it but none of the one's even remotely acceptable had love at first sight so I'm glad. But enough with my rant.
Even though you've been working on this for two years, seriously thank you! It's amazing and very wonderful, thank you for taking your time. Also I'd offer to be your beta except I don't actually know grammar as well as I'd wish, I could find any spelling mistake you have and maybe point out the parts that don't fit together like a puzzle but I wouldn't know the grammar, where to puntuact that whizz, plus look at my run on sentences!
But enough of that, thank you, we love you, and if we had the address I'd send bodyguards for your safety of mobs from the last chapter. And cookies!
BrownEyedCutie99 chapter 31 . 9/10/2013
I knew Riske' T was a boy! Red must be so freaked! I did not like Faye's expression when Leon ran after Astrid. It was promising trouble. I don't think that Leon and Astrid will be able to suppress their feelings for long, especially Astrid since she is trying the hardest to ignore her emotins. With all that has happened there is still a lot to come and I can't wait till I have the time to read the next chapter.
Halycon chapter 31 . 9/7/2013
Ok. Where to start. I have been with the story ever since it came out. Which is like a gazillion years. This has far been my favourite story on fictionpress, words can literally not express how close this story is to my heart.

Update soon, please please please, I beg you! But I just want to go over a couple of things...

The flashback confuses me - did this happen before Leon left? So technically, they're not really too upset and avoiding each other, contrary to what the other reviews have said?

WHEN WILL ASTRID AND LEON GET TOGETHER *bashes head against table*

The suspense always kills me after every chapter, please update soon!

love your biggest fan! xo
Lily806 chapter 31 . 9/5/2013
... ... ... ... ...Well...I think me and the others may have to come to your house and force you to re-write their "un-happy" experience. But then again, I forgive you since it was, for lack of a better word, fantastic. It, unfortunately, had to be done. WILL make it up to us...yes? )
Bibliophilesunite chapter 31 . 9/5/2013
No anger from me, I loved it despite it being upsetting. In fact, I loved everything so far.

Poor Astrid, she's such a complicating character that I never imagined her being hurt. But of course that's ridiculous, we're all falliable.

I think your writing is exceptional, I'm so glad to come across this story :)
SargentLooneyPencil chapter 31 . 9/5/2013
Hello :) Lovely chapter. I like the whole valentines day scene and the jealousy and the emotions portrayed were beyond amazing. I can only hope the read the next chapter soon. Great job and have fun :)
worthwritingfor chapter 31 . 9/4/2013
Dude dude dude dude DUDE.
That. Was. Awesome.
This is becoming my favorite story! Update as soon as you can! :)
Tekiri chapter 31 . 9/4/2013
"Unknown to Leon, Astrid became more frozen.
Unknown to Astrid, Leon's eye's lost their naïve heat that evening."
WHAT JUST HAPPENED HERE! (looks around for a frying pan to beat you with. then stops.) On hindsight, you wouldn't be able to write if you were dead, soooo... I'm not part of the angry mob, but I WILL sponsor then. :P
Gah! Leon and Astrid! What are we gonna do with you!
(sry this is all jumbled, i'm just a fangirl over here that is just shocked about those two quoted lines.)
findings chapter 31 . 9/4/2013
Aw I loved the flashback3
And I'm glad they didn't really have a moment...I feel as though they need more time.
By the way...are they in 9th grade?
You say No chapter 31 . 9/4/2013
No, I think this is needed. But what's going to happen with her friends? Will she be ice cold to them? Will she act as if everything's okay? Or well continue as usual and treating Leon as usual making him feel like shit? And oh god, what's going to happen with Faye?
Btw I really actually don't understand much of why Alexis hates Astrid, mostly cause of the Mister Red right? Er sorry I need to re-read your story. Honestly though if Leon thought she was going to be affected by it I think he was sort of cocky despite that fact that she was, because did he actually know that she liked him? Cause I couldn't tell... Well anyways, I feel sadistic for smiling during this chapter, also i was really confused at the Riske T. Part but I'm glad now that I understand that he was dressed as a girl. I'm such an airhead.
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