|Reviews for Undying Revenge|
| BALTHAZAR chapter 1 . 2/12/2012
My frined you are a GOD LIKE author ! I give you just this music video watch?vS9mU6bCJRUM&featurerelated for i know it will help you... After all your heroes ARE heroes !
| RecklessAndTheBrave chapter 1 . 9/24/2011
Ive only read the first two chaps and im hooked. Lol ur great keep writing. I loved the beginning an excellent idea
| Lyra Kaji chapter 2 . 9/20/2011
I forgot to post my reaction to the title in the last review (actually, I completely forgot to even read the title. I just read the description, which was really good. I struggle with those stupid things. 250 characters? Come on. The longest word in the English language is longer than that. - -a deluded fortune teller.)
The first chapter is overall really well written...but you said "girl" 5 times in the first two lines. It got kind of confusing, trying to figure out if you were referring to Fate or Luna's portrait. Another charactonym comment: Fate is a little iffy...try Fate in another language? Or something a little more subtle? This is a list of destiny/fate related names, if you're interested www. /luck_
On the other hand...Supola's a good one...it sounds like it means something to do with either being supple or rising up, or both. :)
You had a beautiful description of Sylvia (I liked the dark cherry eyes...physiognomy? I really should study for English tests and read at the same time. I end up being rather obnoxious/pedantic. Ah...well...prepare to be overanalyzed.) By the way...I really like the names. Some are cool, some are pretty, and some, like Zwilland, are just really really fun to say.
However, in your descriptions of Sylvia, you had a tense change...keep it all in the past tense :)
And all your dialogue was really realistic...up until the very end. It was still very realistic, but you completely contradicted yourself...
"You'll do fine, Sylvia." - "You can never revive that girl, no matter how good at magic you are, Sylvia." Basically, he tells her she can do anything, and then tells her that she should just give up. :)
Otherwise...I love the way all the characters are being fleshed out. I don't know who to support! I love stories like that...so much intensity...so much (to quote Lewis Carroll) muchness. This whole chapter has a generous dose of muchness. The society seems proper, refined, twisted, sinister, and lovely all at the same time. And if that isn't intensity, awesomeness, and ultra-conflicted good-writing muchness, I don't know what is.
| Lyra Kaji chapter 1 . 9/20/2011
Wow! The cinematic style was really effective! It was always quite clear who was talking, and of course, very exciting and action packed and mysterious...and lots of good adjectives. The words were quite powerful, the characters quite picturable (in spite of the lack of description) and the motives of the good guys compelling. The end was tragic, and left the reader thirsty for more...
I liked the charactonyms, especially the irony of Zion. Crystallis was the only one that was a little iffy. I do love charactonyms, but Crystallis seems a little too pure and goody-goody princessy. Then again, Luna balances it out pretty well...anyway, it's way better than, say, Angela Grace Salvia Destina, the Chosen One or something...or, say, Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way (if you haven't read the wonderful gift to humanity that is My Immortal, please do that now.)
Well...that's pretty much it for criticisms...and that's really unusual for me. So, I'll read the next chapter now. So far, it's quite honestly one of the best things I've found on this site in a really long time. So, kudos. And I can't keep myself away from chapter one anymore.
Until next time!