|Reviews for Liam: A Southern Sanctuary: August 2010|
| Naomi Chick chapter 1 . 9/27/2011
I love the way you describe the chapter as a peaceful and relaxful moment especially in the first paragraph. The characters appeared friendly to one another. I like the way you suddenly brought Sam into the picture near the end. It seem mysterious when he appeared at night. It make me want to know what will happen next. Great story.
| esthaelum chapter 1 . 9/26/2011
I'm loving the starting paragraphs. Your descriptions sound very clear and pretty. You didn't throw a whole bunch of long words or anything; it's simple. That's what I liked about it. It sounded simple, and yet it was still a clear image of the surroundings. :)
How do you pronounce Aoife, by the way?
Kathleen didn't seem like a bad character. We've only been introduced to her now so my impression of her isn't that strong yet. But she made a good solid start, and I think her personality so far is good :)
So far, a nice story. The descriptions are lovely; they were my favourite in this piece. :)
| Reboundstudent chapter 1 . 9/25/2011
Your descriptions really are lovely; it's very easy to imagine the corn fields, the beautiful old house. Your words have a very crisp sense to them, and I really love your attention to detail (the main character's "cherry" nails for example.)
However, while the words are beautiful, they're a little bloodless. I see the setting, but I don't feel the setting. I'm not sure what impression I should be getting... is the main character excited to be there? Does the peeling paint represent something? Should the fact that the outside of the house look kind of shabby but the interior well taken care of signify something?
The characters also kind of blend together. I can't tell what the main character is feeling; I have no sense of her personality. (The aunt is a little clearer, but she doesn't seem fully 3-dimensional yet; she is a little too "maternal and Southern comfort.") The main character seems to rush in with an explanation of the boy she likes... but I can't tell if that's supposed to signify something to us, the reader. Does it mean she's close with her aunt? If not, why is she telling her aunt something so personal? That she's eager to defend the boy she loves? Is she defiant? Is she ashamed? Is she sympathetic to him?
The first chapter is written beautifully, but it doesn't necessarily make me want to read more... I don't have an investment in the characters (because I can't get a sense of them) or an investment in the story (there's no real sense of suspense... by spilling to her aunt, the main character has already explained her relationship to the guy and why she was sent away. There's no mystery to uncover, and what she reveals doesn't really raise more questions.)
| J.Szewczuk chapter 1 . 9/25/2011
I really liked the mention of the raven in the beginning. The rest of the opening description is happy, but the raven is usually an ill omen and fits right in with the witchcraft you mentioned in the description.
You had a lot of dialogue in this chapter, and though it was well written, I would have liked to see a little more description of the setting and the people. I had some trouble visualizing it in my mind.