|Reviews for The Legend of Margaret Hill|
| 2nd chapter 1 . 9/16/2011
Hey, Snow here. :D
I'm reviewing as I read, so bear with me. xD
[In another universe that is.]
-add a comma after 'universe'
[A pure black one, with a meaningful name, the door knob fairy.]
-shouldn't there be a dash between 'door' and 'knob'?
[She rose out of bed, as if in a trance and proceeded to walk across the room; her light footsteps making no sound and tugged the window handle open.]
-replace the semi-colon with a comma, and remove the comma after 'bed' and add a comma after 'sound.'
[it looked almost like moon cheese.]
-The 'moon' isn't needed there...
[Her curiosity almost killed her a few times, just like the famous saying, "Curiosity killed the cat."]
-add 'had' in between 'curiosity' and 'almost'
[A door-knob fairy, if defined was called as a deceiving creature; a "doorway" to death, hence the name door-knob.]
-add a comma after 'defined' and remove 'as'
Nitpicking aside, I really, really loved this. The concept of door-knob faires being the doorway to death was very creative a well as interesting, and I felt that giving another image to the mystical and wonderfully seen creature was thinking outside of the box. :D
The wording of the text was very nice too- I really like your style of writing. :D
I hope you're satisfied with this review, sis. :D
P.S. Favourited. :)
| broken-nib chapter 1 . 9/11/2011
I loved the story about the "Door-Knob Fairy". This is my first day here and I'm already loving it. I hope to read more from your creations.
Have a nice day!