Reviews for The inside traitor
mwac chapter 1 . 4/2
I like the premise of this. I would've maybe went into a bit more detail with everything. It felt like you were trying to just summarize the story rather than tell it. Anyways, pretty good!
Revamp chapter 1 . 12/21/2012
This was very interesting, however it felt very much like a summary, and to be honest it would be a good story with some fleshing out. I like the message that you were trying to convey about cheating and those who do. This was a very nice little piece that you have, and I would love to see more of your works.
Sushi-Sisters chapter 1 . 11/6/2012
This was good. I liked the ending!
The Autumn Queen chapter 1 . 10/2/2012
This reads more like a summary than a story to me. While you do give us all the information necessary, there is very little shown. It feels like you're just telling me what the story is about instead of showing the story through your writing. There's very little dialogue, characterization, setup...basically you've just described the context and then what happened, sort of like those summaries on wikipedia. The problem is, while it gives us the story, it is hard to appreciate it /as/ a story. It's more something someone would skim over before reading the actual story. It's also difficult to see the characters really interacting and there isn't much in terms of relationship to see.

[Their wedding was a week after the anullment.] - isn't there a law about that? We have...three months and ten days or fourty days? I forget.

What I do like about this, funnily enough, is how you split the man and wife. While it's common to see such problems, rarely to they split as evenly as you managed. I've seen cases where the wife demands the house, abandons their children and such. Or demands everything or walks away with nothing. But you've split things fairly evenly.
Rogue Energizer Bunny chapter 1 . 5/10/2012
Hm. This is really interesting.

I like the plot. It would do well fleshed-out into scenes, but I think it works well enough as it is in plain old narration.

I like the bolded words, for some reason. They remind me of comic books, y'know how they bold in random words for impact? LOL.

-REB
Mylilblackpen chapter 1 . 11/12/2011
I guess this piece is trying to convey that no one wins when you cheat or play games with each other. I think you have a great plot here but maybe you could drag it out for longer, make it into a story and go into more detail because it seemed to end rather quick but I did like the concept! Just a suggestion but I think your a good writer; keep writing! :)
Miryo chapter 1 . 9/17/2011
Hm, I'm not sure what to think. There wasn't any real clear message here. I guess, if anything, it teaches us that cheating doesn't pay off.