|Reviews for Dark|
| Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu chapter 1 . 6/21/2012
Okay then. As per your RH request, here is my take on the whole story. Firstly, let me just say that you did pretty well on the whole. However, if you're planning to capture the socio-racial conflicts in the settings, then my advice is to refer on Blend In. To me, it's actually a far better portrayal of how things should be all the way unto the interactions. Yet I do have to say that Caylee's character do come across as far more impressionable. Granted it's not as detailed as what you've done for Blend In, but yet the concepts behind her persona has far better potential due to the fact that you will have more leeway to create various emotional conflicts and weaknesses based on how she might react against her enemies and politicos at large.
Interesting enough, her attitude towards werewolves seemed to have a remote parallel on how the humans see the Gates. This is point one of the skilful paradox you've created here. Point two lies in the fact that despite the ongoing us-vs-them, there's not much difference between the two ends of the coin once we get down to the term "obsession". Yes, it will differ from individual to individual. But yet it's not a racial problem as you have hinted far strongly enough. If I am to see Caylee as an individual, then quite obviously you've got yet another facet to utilize your creativity.
And lastly for the three male characters: Kray, Caylee's brother and Samuel. For Kray, I'll use the term ambiguous presence. Simply put, it's not that we don't know the agenda. But rather what makes him so captivating is that he's the joker of the deck. We all know what he's after, but we don't know what he's capable of. Samuel's case would be an unknown factor in terms of how far his convictions will take him. Granted we've seen our own fair shares of such characters, but when we get to see someone like that under the whole "lulz treason!" danger, then it's a different story. It's not as if you're planning your own version of The Night's Watch together with your own Jon Snow. I truly doubt such a plan will go through unless thrice planned through. As for Caylee's bro, I'll call it a possible ambiguity on whether he will be the victim or some other role so much more. Simply put, all three are ambiguous in their own rights, yet we all know that there's nothing mysterious on the agenda and/or the possible future.
P.S: If my CCs are not good enough, I apologize. I got a bit of accident Wednesday afternoon and I had hit the NICU for a day's observation. X.X
| this wild abyss chapter 1 . 6/19/2012
You started this off pretty strong, which I thought was a good choice. I got a good feel for Caylee's character based on her thoughts in that pretty intense scene. You also do a good job highlighting her relationship with her brother, and I like that she's motivated like that. You give demons a humanistic feel to them, which I appreciate. It makes them more interesting as characters.
| Dr. Self Destruct chapter 1 . 6/17/2012
Very cool! I really love this idea of yours where supernatural creatures live alongside humans. I think it's very realistic, especially the prejudice humans show the Gates. There are so many questions when reading this, like where exactly those Gates came from and why, but I think that's great because it makes me want to keep reading. And I like how you describe what Caylee looks like before you come out and say she's a demon. It gives the reader the chance to make that connection on their own. Also I found it very interesting how the different people from the Gates kinda still have their own prejudices against one another, like how Caylee finds it ridiculous that she's taking orders from a werewolf. I think it shows a lot about their society. This prospect of a man being the damsel in distress is very cool, too, haha. I can't wait to see if you continue on with this.
| mingsquared chapter 1 . 5/26/2012
I can definitely see you going somewhere with this story. The concept of the Gateway is very interesting, and I think the world can be further expanded upon. I also like the way you're portraying the demons in a new light and focusing on their struggles. Caylee seems like a strong character, but I'm not going to form an opinion of her just yet since this is only the first chapter. Kray is also interesting, and I wonder how his relationship with Caylee is going to be. You should definitely do something with this.
| lookingwest chapter 1 . 4/18/2012
Oops I noticed you were preferring reviews for stories mentioned on your poll! I will attempt to get through a few of them before starting back on Into the Night :)
Ah, this is certainly unique. I like that we get right into the story here, and I actually kept up with the different concepts too. I don't think I really got into it until Caylee goes into Sam's office and the start talking, that part really captured my interest and I started seeing the mystery about Caylee's brother unfold. I liked how you showed all those things about her abilities and the moon through dialogue too, that was brilliantly included and I got a good sense of this world and the Gateway, which I found very interesting. I also liked that this was narrated from the perspective of a demon, I don't see that too often, but I like how you again illustrated the difference between the Supes with the inclusion of Kray towards the end, so we get to see how demons and werewolves get along with one another. I liked the tension via Caylee in that scene, it was great!
| Vivace.Assai chapter 1 . 4/17/2012
I hope this is one of the stories you wanted review - I checked your poll and this was in the list. If I made a mistake, please tell me and I shall do another review. Anyways, onto the review.
Opening: The use of the song was quite interesting. Though I was at first uncertain how it applied to the story (except for the fact it dealt with the dark and the title of this is Dark), looking back the song is a perfect fit. In that way, the song provided nice foreshadowing for ideas and emotions discussed later on in the chapter.
Concept: This is definitely an interesting concept. I find there can be a lot explored from the world you've set up. It's unique and different than most stories I've read, since it's usually the monsters abusing the humans. But in this case, the look at monsters being abused and deprived of rights gives a new twist to the plot and makes the story more appealing. Furthermore, due to the set-up, there is room for a various events to occur allowing this plot to be taken in any direction you so wish. There could be action and violence. There could be some drama. There could be self-discovery. There could be all of that. This concept is one with a lot of potential, and so, it would be interesting to see it further developed.
Plot: I like the plot. As covered with concept, the world you've created is quite an intriguing one. However, focusing on the specifics of this story, the plot looks interesting. The mention of vampire kidnappings adds more complexity to Caylee's brother's disappearance. Add to that the organization Kray is involved with and the investigator - you have a great basis for a mysterious and exciting story.
Characters: You've characterized Caylee well. The narration portrayed her nicely. Comments like: [Never had she felt so small in her life] or [Well, I'll be damned. She stood up, glancing towards Kray] adds to her personality. I can see her as a caring sister whose abuse by the humans has weakened her resolve and outlook towards life. Samuel Bode also appears interesting and I find his dialogue reflects his character the most. His comments about hope do gave me an impression that he is a kind human who believes in the best for the future - this idea was reaffirmed with Kray's comment about Bode. As for Kray, though he has the shortest appearance time, his actions say a lot about his character. The fact he doesn't seem to hold Caylee on a higher pedestal due to her species shows his cheeky and rather "I don't give a damn" attitude. Overall, you've done well in giving an initial sketch of the three main characters - they all look to be great characters with many possibilities for growth and development.
Overall, this is a nice start to a story. This would be a very interesting story to see continued.
| Miryo chapter 1 . 9/21/2011
I liked this a lot. You started off nicely with Caylee right in the midst of all the action. And you also did a good job of creating a sense of world (a supernatural world, as it is) in such a short amount of time.
I kind of feel like you've used too many semi-colons in this piece. And a few of them were used slightly incorrectly, but then again, who am I to talk, since I intentionally misuse semi-colons... Another thing I noticed was that every now and then you had two sentences as separate paragraphs when I think they might've worked better as one paragraph. I'm not sure if you did it to convey a more abrupt feeling, but there were some places where the spacing felt a little odd in that regard.
All in all, a really nice piece. I wish there was more to it.