|Reviews for Revenge Sworn|
| Lynn W. Betson chapter 1 . 6/7/2012
To be perfectly honest, I skimmed this chapter. Partly because I was pressed for time. Nonetheless, I have a few things that i want to quickly point out.
Bear in mind that we have absolutely no clue about what's going on in your world! There's really no context and no background. You're tossing a bunch of names at me and expecting them to stick, but you lost me pretty fast. When you're confusing the reader with your first chapter and whatnot, it's a real turn-off. I would provide some context right off the bat. If Sari's in a refugee camp, you can say something like:
"Sari could never quite get used to being so far away from home. The hustle and bustle of this refugee camp on the outskirts of the nation, packed with the displaced and the disowned, was nothing like the bustle of her hometown, Shinka. She missed the sounds of the river and the sound of the markets wafting up to her windows in the morning."
It doesn't have to be that, per se, but subtly hint to the reader about stuff instead of explicitly laying it out. I mean, it's a delicate balance, and it's definitely a pain in the butt. I have so much trouble figuring it out. But. There's a lot of room for improvement here!
Feel free to disregard this advice and I don't want to come off as condescending or anything. I'm really interested in finding out more about the world you've created. :)
- L. Betson
| mtorchic chapter 1 . 9/30/2011
My sister would be so jealous. This girl has horses, and a bow and arrow. My sister would go crazy if she could have those things.
Great writing! Loved it! Keep up the good work!